Posted by karen_kay on May 30, 2007, at 19:55:48
i was sitting with mister kk today (and you know, the insurance company actually calls him mister kk, as i haven't changed my dr's license. i have no need to, my picture is FANTASTIC! and waited a long time to get one that good, as so with the last one as well.. anywhooo...), and we were cussing and discussing our duckie. he's taking his first steps. he has bruises like his mother, all over his legs. he falls, looks at us, we laugh at him, so he does too.
we decided what a wonderful personality he has. i decided it has nothign to do with me (geez louise *per Kath*, i really need to get my insides taken out!), as i simply decide if my back hurts i must have spinal meningitus or another disease and must be dying right now, on the spot. (then i'll simply joke 'or i hope i have cancer that will take me fast in my sleep!' what can i say, i'm twisted?)
mister kk, trying to be helpful, but unable to communicate well with me (especially when i burst into tears while ranting about how i'm ruining our son already), assures me i am not ruining our son. i try to explain, 'well, he jsut isn't old enough to understand what i'm saying yet. when he gets older and understands mommy saying she must be dying of some unknown disease, he'll really see what mommy is like.'
mister kk simply said, 'i've known you twice as long as the duck and i still don't understand you.' (and at least it makes me laugh. then, when i laugh, the duck laughs. that makes me laugh more, even through thoughts that i'm going to completely ruin my child with my 'off' periods, no pun intended.)
he speaks the truth at least. i don't understand myself either. i think that's ok though. we don't really need to undestand everything, especially not the most complex thigns in life. and i'd have to say ourselves would be the most complex creatures. i can figure out my sister (she's dense). i can figure out most of my friends, relatives (they're crazy), but myself- that's somethign i'll never figure out. and i don't think i really care to either. i'll continue to do what it takes to get through, be happy, not get arrested, call a lawyer if i do, kiss that duck, and try not to stick mr kk's head too far in the pond (i'll let him come up for air every once in a while!).
also went for a drive today. saw a mobile home on fire. i think it affected me more than when my own house caught on fire. i wanted to stop and say somethign to the people. but, i didn't have any advice to give them really. nothing more than 'it's not as bad as you think right now.' but, seeing it when i passed by hurt more than when it actually happened to me. i was able to choke out 'water' while getting my sister some food (to take a klonopin with... good kk for carrying spares in her bag!). mister kk was completely oblivious to my gaping mouth and gasping breath sounds (blame it on soundgarden, i guess?). i found that a bit disturbing.
and another thing to complain about, while i'm at it... mister kk saw chris cornell in concert last weekend and he DID play a bunch of soundgarden songs. grrrrr! (but, at least i didn't have to sit through a bunch of bands to get to the good stuff!) 'come with me into the desert.....'
poster:karen_kay
thread:760432
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20070523/msgs/760432.html