Posted by TexasChic on October 26, 2006, at 19:55:06
I went to myspace, and just for fun looked up people who I went to school with during the 8th and 9th grade. It was in the city where I live now - I've lived many other places since then. The first person to pop up was a girl I was best friends with from middle school until my mid-twenties. She was a very dominant person, and with my then people pleaser personality the relationship just turned into a passive aggresive mess. The first time I ever really stood up for myself was when I cut her out of my life because she was toxic to me. It was the beginning of my taking control of my life.
Well, after some debate I sent her a message. She responded immediately saying she couldn't count the number of times she's tried to look me up. She now has 6 year old, went back to school and got her degree, and is living down the street from her mother. Every one of these things is completely opposite from her previous personality. So I think I'm going to try to tentively become friends again. She just sounds so different, and I'm so different that I know I would never let myself get into the position I was in before. The thing is, I've had so many problems with people lately that I've become a hermit and its hard to reach out.
I also came across a girl I hadn't seen since the 9th grade. We've been chatting back and forth a bit too. She's so sweet and seems exactly the same. The only difference is now she has a girlfriend! When I first read that all I could do was giggle. Then I was like, why am I acting like this, I don't care about that type of thing. Then I realized I had reverted to the 15 year old I was when we knew each other. I actually think it would be cool to have some lesbian friends. I like to be around open-minded free thinking type people.
The ironic thing is, I went to myspace because another friend of mine from high school (10-12 grade, different city) had contacted me on my myspace page that I had barely begun a lo-o-ong time ago and forgot about. We had lost touch for about 5 years. She also had spent a long time and alot of effort looking for me. I guess getting reconnected to her made me go look at myspace and see if I could find anyone else.
This encouraged me to call another old friend who had left me a message about a month or two ago. We worked together several years ago and she had finally left the place. We've very sporadically kept in touch since we worked together. She was really glad to hear from me.
So boom, I go from a complete hermit to talking to 4 old friends! Its kind of scary. I'm not completely ready to get out of my comfort zone, but I do know I want things to change. So send me vibes for strength to follow through. I don't want to end up on my deathbed regretting that I never tried to have more of a life.
-T
P.S. I also went to my first pilates class last night! I'm so sore!
poster:TexasChic
thread:698024
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20061018/msgs/698024.html