Posted by cloudydaze on August 3, 2006, at 20:47:57
I must be a totally horrible human being. I feel that way.
My grandmother is in her 80's. She's very sick and could die at any time. She's got cancer, and her back is broken (she's got bone cancer, and multiple painful spinal fractures). I just found out that she's coming to stay with us for awhile. My first reaction was awful, and didn't come out the way I intended it to. Don't know what exactly I said, but it was something along the lines of "why is she staying here?"
Let me explain. My family is very segregated. I rarely even see my mom's side of the family, but i am very close with my dad's side (mainly because they always want to see me and urge me to visit). My mom's side (aunts, uncles, cousins, even my grandma) don't seem interested in ever seeing us. We get invited over maybe once a year and i think they do it just to be nice. My grandma lives alone, and just retired last year. She has been staying with my uncle since she started getting sicker.
I've never really had a relationship with this woman, and I barely know what to say to her when I do see her. It's akward. Now, she's going to be staying here in our crazy mixed up overpopulated house....and i just know i'm not going to be able to handle it. I don't want to see her die. I really don't. I can't handle it. It sounds so freakin selfish, but if i have to watch her die, I'm going to go crazy.
I've never had a relationship with her, and now, out of the blue, I'm going to have to take care of her - alone, while my mom's at work...I don't know if i can. I want to hide. I feel so wretched for feeling this way.
The worst part is that my mom can't understand. I know that she's sad because her mom's very sick, but I wish she understood how i feel too. Basically she just threatened to evict me if I don't take care of my dying grandmother. She also upset my daughter quite a bit with her theatrics.
God...i feel awful. I am a horrible person.
poster:cloudydaze
thread:673394
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060728/msgs/673394.html