Posted by frida on July 11, 2006, at 9:51:32
In reply to Re: Why bother doing anything, I'll only fail *tri » Deneb, posted by Dinah on July 11, 2006, at 7:38:45
Deneb,
I am glad you are feeling calmer. I wanted to share that it took me many many years to separate myself from my mother. To this day I still can't talk in T and a part of it has to do with her idea that I should be quiet about what my dad did, and everything she has told me. It is really hard, but it is possible.
I would encourage you to get a T..No one should be alone with the kind of thoughts you're having . I'd be lost if I didn't have my T to know about the "dark stuff". IT truly helps, and they can help you differentiate things...
What your mother says isn't the truth. Who knows what's leading her to say this.
I know the desperate feeling. I have those feelings, even now.
but please hang in there. THere are people who care and there is a way out.Frida
> Your mother has her own issues, and the words that issue from her mouth are her own choices.
>
> One step along the way to maturity is to stop seeing a link between what other people do and what you do. There can well be a link in how you feel. But when you stop thinking of terms of "So and so did this, so they made me do this..." and start thinking "So and so did this, I stopped to think about it, and decided that I would choose to...", doesn't that sound much healthier?
>
> It's a hard thing to learn and practice. I'm still doing it and I have at least twenty years on you. Helping my son learn those lessons has helped me as well. Having a therapist helped me learn those lessons, because he just won't let me get away with that.
>
> You don't want a therapist who will talk to you about your past or about transference, and that's fine. There are plenty of therapists out there who will delve into this sort of thinking.
poster:frida
thread:665913
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060709/msgs/666011.html