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Tired of faking it

Posted by dmlvt on July 8, 2006, at 13:10:02

Does anyone else out there simply get tired of trying to pretend all the time that you're feeling OK? At work, I am finding that it takes so much energy to smile or laugh or to simply engage in small talk. I told my wife yesterday that it's really difficult to to go through the motions so that I appear to be fine to others, while inside, I feel completely different.

Yesterday, I found myself writing something to my wife in an e-mail that I knew she'd find funny, something that would normally make me laugh to myself as I typed it. Yet, I felt nothing.

I certainly don't want to spend time at work appearing morose and anti-social, yet the energy it takes to be social is incredible.

How did I end up here? I'm the biggest joker I know, always laughing and making other people laugh. These days, nothing seems amusing at all to me.

It's the same thing at home. I want the kids to think that I'm fine so that they don't worry about me. My wife knows that I'm faking it here too.

I'm going to a wedding later today. I won't know anyone there. My wife kindly offered to let me skip it, but I know she'd prefer me to be there. So, I'll go and I'll pretend to be OK. My wife will have some drinks and have a great time and I'll be there to drive her home safely at the end of the night. But, I'd rather just take a nap and stay home.

dmlvt


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poster:dmlvt thread:665124
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060628/msgs/665124.html