Posted by Tamar on June 8, 2006, at 19:32:46
In reply to Can I ask some questions about sex here?, posted by Donna Louise on June 8, 2006, at 15:19:42
> I know it isn't all girls or I wouldn't worry about it. But this isn't a 'sexy' thing I need to ask about. I am all freaked out about having some surgery..it is to restore lost physical sexual ability to have sex without pain. (It would mean 6 weeks I couldn't ride my horses, my lifesaver..) and cost alot of money..but that aside...the question has to do with desire. I thought with the patch I would get that back but I haven't really. So I am having high anxiety about getting this surgery just to still not want to use the equipment.
Well, if having the surgery would mean you could have sex without pain, then you’d be in a better position to start working on the libido thing. So it seems worth it to me.
And I can understand that you’d miss riding, but would you be able to spend time with your horses? Even if you couldn’t ride, you might still enjoy being with them and grooming them and the other stuff people do with horses (sorry, I’m a city girl; don’t know much about any animal bigger than a cat).
> Besides not having the desire, I am now practically phobic about it. I have a husband, for almost 30 years, same good guy and he has been great but I feel bad for him.
Well, if I experienced pain every time I had sex I’d probably avoid it too. It sounds like a realistic fear. And of course, it’s always possible to do sexually arousing and satisfying things without penetration. If you can work on having a non-penetrative physical relationship with your husband, you might well find the desire comes back, and you can give him some of the physical release he’d like too.
Another trick for increasing libido is sex by yourself. Read erotic fiction; watch sexy movies; get a good vibrator… whatever you think will turn you on. Try new things… as often as possible…
> Anyway, question is. Can I ask?..is there some kind of horney drug that makes the desire come and the fear go? I would not hesitate to have the surgery if I could back it up knowing I would want to make use of the ahem, equipment. I can't drink or smoke pot so those options are out.
I don’t think there is any kind of drug that reliably increases female libido. Some women swear by viagra, but it doesn’t seem to work for everyone. If your doc is willing to prescribe it you could try it. But from everything you say I’d guess the problem is mostly psychological and might not respond to medication.
> Well, there, I talked about it and asked the question without waiting to find out if it is ok. Please someone write me back so I don't go into total meltdown for fear of being a fool.
You’re not a fool. Sexual problems are very difficult to talk about despite being incredibly common. I think, though, that if you focus on increasing pleasure rather than on being able to perform, you might find it begins to get a little easier. And if that sounds daunting, keep your eyes on the prize. It will be worth the hard work sometime in the near future when you have an all-night session with your husband that makes you feel like a goddess and makes him feel like a superhero…
Hope that’s of some help.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:654558
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060604/msgs/654614.html