Posted by Deneb on April 4, 2006, at 18:11:13
In reply to Re: I wonder why Dr. Bob won't accept my scarf » Deneb, posted by Dinah on April 4, 2006, at 17:19:53
I found what special k wrote to me:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20060317/msgs/626960.html
Special K wrote:
> I think he made it pretty clear that he didn't really want you to do the scarf thing... He would have preferred you to have spent your time doing something nice for everyone who was going to the party.
>
> But you kind of disregarded that...
>
> WHich is okay I guess...
>
> But the cost / possible cost to that...
>
> Is that at times you say it is a 'small gift'
> Then at times you say how much love you are putting into it which makes it actually a gift that is extremely laden with symbolism
> Then you say you hope he takes it
> (I mean if he doesn't then that will be a symbol for you of him rejecting your love)
> But you say better for him to not take it than to throw it away (which you would take as a symbol for him rejecting your love)
>
> And so what is he supposed to to?
>
> Take it.
>
> But he has already said...
>
> I don't know.
>
>
> I think you should talk to your t about this...
>
> I think...
>
> And maybe it is just me...
>
> But I think maybe he has become... Something along the lines of... How you might have viewed your father when you were a little kid?http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20060317/msgs/627211.html
> > It's only laden with symbolism for me. I just want Bob to see it as a scarf.
>
> though it is probably going to be a little hard for him to do that after reading on the boards just how much symbolism you are loading into it...
>
> therapists have to think about this when it comes to gifts too... some therapists have a (black and white) rule about not accepting gifts period. others will under certain circumstances. etc.
>
> i guess the main reason i wanted to say this stuff is because... he might have a policy on not accepting gifts... which has NOTHING WHATSOEVER TO DO WITH HIM REJECTING YOUR LOVE. thats all i'm getting at.. he said he didn't really want you to do that... he could be a bit awkward if you try and give it to him (especially since he does indeed appreciate what it symbolises) and then he has to decide whether to go with what he said already (and he does seem to value consistency as do you) only the trouble is you might get all upset and feel really rejected... or he could just take it... in which case what... you will feel all happy... and be talking about how you have given him a gift to symbolise your love... and then what? other posters get the presents rolling in?
>
> i don't know... i don't know what he is supposed to to. and i don't understnad how this can come to anything good...
>
> > > I think you should talk to your t about this...
>
> > I'll try to remember to bring it up.
>
> mmm. might be worth thinking whether it is worth trying to give it to him... i guess i'd be thinking bout that. don't get me wrong... enjoy making it. really. think of him as you are making it. whatever. but do it for you and enjoy it for you.
>
> i dunno. maybe i'm just harming.
>
> i'm sorry if i'm hurting.
>
> hope others can jump in
>
> > > But I think maybe he has become... Something along the lines of... How you might have viewed your father when you were a little kid?
>
> > Maybe, I don't know.
>
> well i guess you are the only one who would know. how did you feel about your father when you were a little kid? do you remember?Sorry I forgot to answer special k's question. My Dad and I have never been close. We don't really talk to each other. He shows his love by doing things like drive me places. My Dad was never around when I was little. He had to work all the time. I didn't really feel much for my Dad when I was little. I never really got attached to him.
Could it be that I see Dr. Bob like a father? He protects me from incivility and punishes me when I'm misbehaving. I never really got that from my parents. I rarely felt protected by my parents and they never punished me. My Mom used to ignore me when I was misbehaving. Dr. Bob ignores me too. I think maybe Dr. Bob is old enough to be my father. I don't think that helps. Also, Dr. Bob has a Chinese name, that suggests he comes from a Chinese family. That doesn't help either. LOL Just one more thing that makes him like a father.
Oh dear...LOL
Special k wrote about some therapists having a no gift policy, but I don't see how that relates to this situation. Dr. Bob is not my therapist. I know the no gift policy has to do with ethics, but what would the reason be for Dr. Bob?
Deneb*
poster:Deneb
thread:626334
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060331/msgs/628838.html