Posted by James K on March 12, 2006, at 13:28:48
In reply to Re: Monday morning, done deal » James K, posted by milly on March 9, 2006, at 8:28:27
I thought about going off the boards and pretending I went, just to avoid posting about this. I've told too many people and accepted their support and encouragement to just walk away without explanation like that.
Thursday, after I thought things were all straightened out with admissions, after we went over admin lady's head, I got a phone message from admin lady. I freaked a little. After someone f*cks you over, and you complain to her boss, you shouldn't have to go back to working with her. The bottom line is, to go into this facility, I have to talk to her some more, and probably do paperwork some more with her, and I am more likely to commit violence than be in the same room with this person.
The stories and examples on their website are such b*llshit, I can't stand it. I left her a message calling her a condescending liar and a bitch and telling her whatever happens now is on her head. Then I e-mailed the director of the program who I know, and told her that because of her coworker in the office, I won't be coming in. She lied to me, my wife, her supervisor, and she's about to lie to you. Congratulations, I get to keep my life savings and you get to keep a bad employee. I will not crawl or beg. ever. for anything. So I'm not mature or mentally healthy enough to go into their mental hospital.
I've been trying to come to grips with this and think it through all weekend, and I don't have any answers right now. I haven't hit anything, and that took a lot of effort when I figured it all out. I'm now about 2 and a half weeks off meds and feeling sick. I took a day and a half completely without alcohol just to see if I could do it. I'd let things go, knowing I was about to get help. Now I'm back to on my own. I'm so tired of this. I want a job. If I can get healthy this week, I'm going to go sack groceries or something. Anything.
I don't know what to say to those of you who have followed my stories as they've come along. Things have never worked out like this in my life before, and I don't get it. I'm no more angry or stubborn now then I was 10 years ago. I guess the world changed. I'll figure something out.
I'm tired
James K
poster:James K
thread:616749
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060310/msgs/619383.html