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Re: Alexandra? Are you ok?

Posted by alexandra_k on October 19, 2005, at 22:39:27

In reply to Alexandra? Are you ok?, posted by Dinah on October 17, 2005, at 16:21:46

i have been dreading this day for a while now...
i have the distinguished honour of having the highest internet access charges of anyone in my department.
that means that they are going to do a printout of my years worth of internet access.
including... all the sites visited.
that information will be passed to the chair of the department next month.
the chair is my supervisor... he knows i have mental health issues and he knows i have had trouble accessing treatment in the services.
i imagine he will pay this site a little visit...

i'm hoping... that he won't figure my posting name. there really are an awful lot of posts here. but some of my posts are fairly distinctive. writing and students especially. and those boards archive fairly infrequently.

basically... he will find me out.
and there is nothing i can do about that.

i cringe when i recall some of the horrible things i have said about the department. and about him especially. mostly... when i was in a state and needed to vent. but still... inexcusable really. good thing my references will be written by then i suppose. i won't be asking him for those again.

at times i have worried about how much time i spend on the boards.
felt guilty with every little click.

i feel that way now.
i feel scared to open posts.
every little click is charged and logged
charged and logged
even though the uni owns the server
so it is just money shuffling within the uni
from our department to technology services.

but there it is.

if they block the site i won't be able to post anymore.
if they don't block the site...
i will be able to post from another uni account that i have.
but not as much
nowhere near as much

guilt
can be a horrible horrible thing.

 

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