Posted by smokeymadison on July 10, 2005, at 1:48:30
In reply to Misunderstandings...any suggestions?, posted by rainbowbrite on July 9, 2005, at 21:16:38
> Ive had a huge misunderstanding with someone and I am really hurt by some things that were said to me. My part was an honest mistake but I feel like the person involved thinks that im awful and Im not sure they are even hearing me, anyway I dont know what to do....the more I say the worse things always get. so do I just let it go and allow the person to think the things they are thinking of me when they are clearly incorrect? or do I push it to clear things up and run the risk of making everything worse? Im really really hurt and insulted. Maybe I shouldnt let it bother me. I dont know Im just so confused. and I now know that even the people I thought understood me DON'T at all! Im really starting to feel like a huge sh*t. Its not a great time of the month for me atm so maybe that has a part in it but I feel awful right now.
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> any suggestions
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> Thanks alot
>I am sorry you feel so bad. sometimes i feel like the people closest to me don't understand me at all either, esp my boyfriend.
i have a few suggestions if you do decide to talk to the person again--and i would let some time pass before you try to again. keep the conversation in first person--meaning use "I feel like..." or "I thought..." instead of "You made me feel..." or "You said..." It helps the other person keep from feeling like they are being blamed when you don't intend to blame them for something.
Also, try not to use the words "never, always," etc. b/c if you say to the person, "you never..." or "you always..." first, it can't be true, b/c nobody never/always does or doesn't do something, and second, it will help keep the conversation a conversation and not turn it into an argument.
also, try not to have the conversation in a dark environment or over the phone. misunderstandings happen a lot b/c you can't read the other person's body language.
if you already knew all this, sorry. i know that they are pretty well known tidbits. i just know that they have really helped me get through misunderstandings w/ my boyfriend. for example, he is terrible at talking w/ me over the phone and mistaking what i am saying b/c he relies heavily on body language to understand what i am saying. we don't have nearly so many hang-ups when we are face to face.
i hope you get to feeling better. sometimes it is worth it to try to patch things up with somebody and sometimes it isn't. you have to decide if it is worth it, if it is better to have that person in your life than to not have them in your life.
good luck
SM
poster:smokeymadison
thread:525576
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050708/msgs/525644.html