Posted by partlycloudy on April 14, 2005, at 8:00:02
So my latest storm at the top of this board has had me thinking about what keeps me here; what I derive from this site, what we are allowed to say, and being true to my self (that's the *pc* part I allude to, not being "politically correct").
I don't think of civility as a dance as I once did, or a pretense or veneer of politeness. I really do consider the guidelines we're given here as a way to facilitate communication without offending those with which we try to connect.
It's interesting that many of arrive here at babble with old hurts and wounds, and we are free to speak plainly about them. Whether it's a bad marriage, a damaging childhood, a traumatic work experience; they are any and all spoken about in complete openness. We can express precisely the hurt and pain that we might have experienced at the hands of others, whether they are parents, spouses, friends, or our employer. This is part of our journey to recovery, so we can process these experiences and make them part of our past, but not let them define how we act in the present.
And yet, if we experience hurt or pain by others who post here, we are restricted in how we're allowed to talk about these experiences. Even though perhaps some of them follow the same pattern of hurt that we experienced in our pasts. So even though we continue to be vulnerable to events and behaviours that have triggered us in the past, we are restricted in how we can talk about them when they happen here at babble, while communicating with others who post here.
There is a release and freedom that comes from being able to express about past hurts inflicted by others, that often can lead to breakthroughs in our recovery from them.
There is a feeling of censorship in not being able to freely express the hurts we might be experiencing presently, due to the nature of the civility rules.
What the rules allow us to do, though, is learn how to speak about these events dispassionately; we must remove the accusatory tone from our words ("you made me feel xxx way"). In doing this we actually become more effective at expressing just what is making us hurt, and why. Those darn "I statements" are elementary in most therapy sessions, especially for those of us with self esteem issues and problems with self confidence.
And finally, on kindness: this is one of the finest gifts we are able to share with another human being. It's our true salvation and protection against hurt. If someone shows me kindness and support, you can bet I am going to give that back in turn, and try my best to look for others, like newcomers to the site, who look to be needing those same qualities.
I had an awful lot to get off my chest this morning. I'm NOT looking for validation in this post. Just having this forum to be able to express myself is validation enough for me, for today.
Thanks for reading (if you bothered to get this far!)
pc which always means
partlycloudy
poster:partlycloudy
thread:484051
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050408/msgs/484051.html