Posted by Angel Girl on January 28, 2005, at 14:51:37
In reply to People's perception of themselves-musing again, posted by saw on January 28, 2005, at 6:29:44
I am overweight, some from Effexor, some from Depakote and any of the other meriad of meds that I have been on but mostly it's a deliberate act on my part to protect myself. Maybe if I'm unattractive to the deviats of society, I will not be victimized again? It's my theory anyway, not that it makes me really feel any safer, I just hope that it does. However; with all that being said, I HATE it, it repulses and disgusts me. I avoid mirrors at all costs. This is a major reason why I HATE and LOATHE myself so much, body image spilling over into self image. I have tried to get the weight off as I am currently but since I haven't dealt with all my childhood traumas in therapy yet, I doubt I'll ever be successful. Also, when I encounter what I consider a crisis in my life, as I felt yesterday angering my friend and the mere thought that I would lose this friend, the first thing I do is eat, but OTOH, when I get severely depressed as that situation has left me, residing in the black abyss, I no longer want to eat anything. My GP has threatened me before for not eating, and told me he would be forced to hospitalize me if I didn't properly care for myself. So, I lie and pretend that I am. Being hospitalized is my worst nightmare.
I think that was just a little more info than you were looking for but when I'm this depressed, I tend to say exactly how I feel. I need to learn to keep my mouth shut (or in this case to stop typing).
AG (who is desperately struggling and doesn't have much energy or desire to carry on the fight anymore)
poster:Angel Girl
thread:449075
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050128/msgs/449242.html