Posted by Angel Girl on December 23, 2004, at 15:21:24
In reply to Re: This is my son and it REALLY depresses me. :( » Angel Girl, posted by alesta on December 16, 2004, at 15:48:10
fallsfall & alesta
Thanks for your kind words. My T said the same thing to me. It's hard not to blame yourself for how your children turn out but I'm trying. I'm also *trying* to learn to accept him for who he is because I've also learned that he's not going to change unless *he* wants to.
I don't know if you read my other post where I said he forgot my birthday or not but it seems that my meltdown with him has had some positive effects. Sometimes when we are hurt or angry we blurt out things that we may not normally do, as was the case with me. I told him that my T thought he was a sociopath. As he didn't know what that meant, I told him to look it up on the internet. Instead he asked my sister, who explained it a little more severely than I would've but it looks like my son is now evaluating the person that he is. Maybe he recognized himself in some of the traits that she presented to him that are part of being a sociopath.
Now he talks to me with kindness (most of the time) and is trying to make some positive changes. He and his new girlfriend took me out last night to see how people have decorated the outside of their homes with Christmas lights. That is something I love to do and I think it put me a *little* more in the Christmas spirit than I was.
We're having a very small gathering this year for Christmas; only my son and his g/f, my mom and I. None of us wanted to cook and we couldn't find anywhere that was open to go to but my son has decided now that he is going to cook turkey and all the trimmings for the first time ever. :) Personally, I was hoping to avoid Christmas altogether this year since my son has been a real trigger for me for the last several months. But since that conversation he had with my sister, I can see a *real" change him for the better, although he still has some moments when he displays anger needlessly.
Also, he has decided that he is going to go for therapy for anger management, which is a VERY positive thing and VERY long overdue. Hopefully, he will carry through with it and make some positive changes in regards to his anger.
Thanks again for your replies, I'm working on not blaming myself. He's 27 tomorrow, he's an adult and should be capable of making the right decisions and there is nothing I can do at this point in his life to change him, except to compliment him when he does something positive, which I'm doing.
AG
poster:Angel Girl
thread:427497
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20041217/msgs/433405.html