Posted by B2Chica on December 17, 2004, at 9:49:35
In reply to B2Chica, where are you B2C?, posted by Susan47 on December 13, 2004, at 11:26:05
boy you all just put a smile on this rugged face.
can it be that i can actually say someone in this crappy world missed me?
thank you.
two weeks ago i had a major episode at work again (of course). bawling hysterically (and i mean hysterically thought i was gonna hyperventilate). had to embarrasingly call my pdoc barly audible over crying, he told me to just get out of there, so i had to call one of my bosses (again bawling still cuz i couldn't stop) and tell him i needed to leave- luckily he was very understanding(though i think a little freaked out-bless his heart he even asked if i needed him to drive me anywhere -probably thinking i needed to be hospitalized...ha).
i made it through the rest of the week taking breaks now and again (locking my office door and just letting the tears come), saturday i slept all day (and i mean ALL day i would wake up for about 1/2 hour at a time a handful of times but just layed there), Sunday i slept till 11:30 (not bad!) but then moved to the couch and turned tv on, sometimes watched sometimes just stared. stayed there all day. so i basically slept most weekend. Teary on mon right infront of other boss...so took tues off, wed only once NOT BAD though! yesterday i was with a three people i really like most of the day for work and felt good (did i mention my anxiety has peaked again-started tues.) nauseous from that but not crying yesterday and today...Yay.
anyway, today feel only bit down, anxiety, no tears yet...and i see pdoc tonight.(did i mention i love him??? ;^)BAD/GOOD news
i've given up on therapy for now...the signs are just telling me this isn't the time...as you know i've been trying for sometime to find a new one, exhausting...thought i found one but when he gave me my test results and treatment plan last friday he has a family emergency and will be gone for a month...he wanted me to start with DBT with someone else...
(however i think the dbt was left over cuz he talked with my old T...) i see him again today and i'm gonna be strong and ask flatly if he is an option for therapy or not (i was so down when i saw him it's kind of a blurr...wasn't clear on that)
so anyway... he really wanted me to see someone in the mean time, but i connected with HIM. i struggle so much with that anyway...ughh. just a mess so scr@w it for now. i'm almost completely closed back up again anyway, holidays are near...i just can't kick up any more dust right now. i'm convicing myself i've just been having a nervous breakdown/midlife crisis and that's all it is. (please just let me think this for a while.) IF he will accept me as a patient when he comes back then i'll go a couple times and go from there if i need to continue.i'm taking the next two weeks off work. so though it may sound weird but i'd almost rather have the support of going to work while (if i ever) see a T.
until then i'll just see my pdoc. (god love him he's fantastic.)Thanks all for caring and listening to me 'babble'.
i'll try to pop in next week if i can get to the library.
Love you ALL!!!!!!!!!
B2c.> Looking for you, where're you reading and/or posting these days?
poster:B2Chica
thread:428886
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20041217/msgs/430761.html