Posted by saw on November 1, 2004, at 0:38:16
In reply to We won't abandon you, Sabrina, posted by 64bowtie on October 30, 2004, at 18:29:15
To all my friends
I have good news and I'm not much better news.
The me part first. I had another major meltdown on Thursday night after my husband told me that he will NOT support me and that I am just pathetic. I collected every last pill I had but got too drunk to take them. (One up on alcohol!!). My eyes were so swollen and my body hurt so bad that I didn't go to work on Friday. Another pathetic move. The next thing there was anmbulance outside and a paramedic (a rather dishy one I might add) banging at the door. I had apparently sent my pdoc a text that it was the end. I spent all of Friday and the rest of the weekend in bed. My husband went away for the weekend and didn't even tell me he loved me when he left. Anyway, we had another argument on the phone on Saturday night and he cut the call. By this time I had had enough and sent him a message that it was just another nail in my coffin. He started phoning me after that but I just refused to take his calls. At this point, to save you all the boring details he did some sort of a turnabout that night. I think he just realised that I wasn't crying wolf but that something is REALLY wrong.
On Sunday evening we spoke and he told me that he just CAN'T understand. I told him that he CAN, it's simply that he WONT because it goes against all his own mental strength. He finally admitted that he is scared (thank you Scott) and does not know what to do for me anymore. I have asked him to come to a therapist with me so that this illness and all it's ugliness can be explained to him. He is happy to. In fact, he said the quicker the better. In all my tears I launched into an almighty panic attack right in front of him. I expected him to walk away but he held me, rubbed my back, told me to breath, just spoke so quietly to me. I was able to calm down more quickly than usual and actually fell asleep. So that's the good news.
Now for the thank you's to:
This sister I never had, partlycloudy and her unwavering support and sound advice
My dear friend AdaGrace and her beauty, and her pain that I share
vwoolf, my close companion, friend and supporter
Scott, your words meant so much, and were true! I appreciated a man's perspective
Sarah, I so appreciate that you read my posts. Thank you for your support
Alesta, your encouragement means the world to me.
Rod, thank you enjoying my humor and for passing it on and for your kind words
Fayeroe and Slinky, thank you
Jai and Miss Honeychurch, I have thanked you already but another one won't do any harm
Oh, and I just know that I have forgotten someone. I promise I do not mean to.
Thank you to absolutely everyone for the support I have so needed. I had a miserable weekend and longed to be able to get to babble.
Sabrina
PS. The tapering is as per pdocs advice. (Could not handle the weight gain). Physically I have had no problems, it has just been the mental crash. I will be starting Lamictal in a couple of weeks.
poster:saw
thread:408242
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20041026/msgs/409882.html