Posted by Larry Hoover on October 26, 2004, at 7:34:49
In reply to Honesty versus Optimism, posted by alexandra_k on October 26, 2004, at 0:46:55
> I have a dilemma that I have been avoiding for some time. Every now and then it gets to me. I can't avoid making a decision, but I can avoid examining my reasons...
Your subject line questions the application of honesty. There are many kinds of honesty. It appears like you are honestly trying to talk yourself out of the opportunity of a lifetime.
> More than anything I want to go to the US to do a PhD. I can put together a competitive application but to do so I need to
>
> - Get some people to say that they think I will be an excellent candidate.
>
> I am not sure that it is fair of me to ask them because I can think of a few good reasons why I am not a good candidate.When one seeks a reference, one seeks a complimentary view of one's abilities. It's an inherent part of the process. All applicants will be submitting shiny glossy references. Frankly, I think that someone who does not question their abilities under progressively more difficult conditions has a mental problem, not the other way around.
> I don't even know whether it is fair of me to apply.Fair? You're only applying. Don't presuppose acceptance, or the terms of an acceptance.
> - What are the chances that I'll complete? Not good. But then the chances I'd get as far as I have aren't so good either.See? Where there's a will....
> - What are the chances I'll be able to meet my work committments for 5 years without a problem (or 9)? Very bad indeed.You discuss the time frame in your own questions....that is the coping mechanism. I've seen PhD theses completed in three years, or in 12. Work commitments, as in TAing or research, would certainly be minimal productivity standards, in return for stipend, but I have seen substantial flexibility in those arrangements, too.
> - What are the chances I'll get sick and be sent home in disgrace? Probably very good indeed.If you get sick, why would they send you home? People get sick, and it's hardly a disgrace. Sick people get care.
> I need to do the best I can to convince them I am the best applicant. But if they knew of my mental health history they wouldn't even look at me.The application process is not the time to discuss special needs. If you morally or ethically believe they must know before the deal is finalized, then you bring that up during the acceptance interview itself. You need not divulge potential risks of health issues.
> I know it's illegal to discriminate - but what are the chances it will significantly intefere? Very good indeed.
If you were their chosen candidate, they will not throw away their investment without working to accomodate. I suspect that you have toughed things out quietly, in the past? In my own case, my supervisor was notified (by the Special Needs Office) that medical issues might affect my ability to meet deadlines. The mere existence of this accomodation was such that I never ever used it. I felt the threat lifted, and I could work under the new conditions, because I wasn't so burdened by trying to meet the conditions of "normalcy".
> I would be asking for them to make a significant financial and time and effort committment to me - and when the chances are so slim that I'll be able to meet my end without a hitch I am not sure that it is even fair of me to be thinking of applying.
You display a strong ethical foundation. Your candidacy looks stronger for it, IMHO.
> It will all only eventuate in virtue of 'extended student health insurance' at any rate. Is it even fair of me to apply for health insurance when it is foregone that I am going to be claiming on it pretty heavily indeed.
Of course it is. The insurance rates are calculated on the likelihood that the average person will use fewer services than what they've paid for, not that no one will ever get better care than they've paid for.
> My FTW attitude has been what has gotten me this far.So, why do you want to change that, this time?
> But now I am starting to develop a social conscience... or something... not sure. Any advice? I don't know what to do. I just swing between honesty and despair and optimism and denial of my significant problems... Round and round we go.
Sounds more like the voice of depression than the honest voice of your spirit. Just the opinion of a mentally ill academic type geek.
Lar
poster:Larry Hoover
thread:407293
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20041026/msgs/407345.html