Posted by fallsfall on October 25, 2004, at 8:51:02
In reply to School, stress, and parents' expectations, posted by Klokka on October 25, 2004, at 5:42:31
Parents can be hard.
I dropped out of college after 2 years - much to my parents' dismay. But I did go back and ended up getting a Master's Degree. I now have a daughter who is a senior in college (and still can't quite decide what she wants to do), so I have seen this from both sides.
First, I think it is important that you do what is right for YOU. It is your life, and you need to make your own choices. Your parents may not agree with your choices, but the choices are yours to make, not theirs.
That said, it really is worth your while to try to have your parents see that you are making thoughtful choices. Can you talk to them about why they feel science is so important? Can you let them know that you *do* understand their values and reasons for putting an emphasis on science? Before you try to say anything about what you want to do, if you can get to a point with them where they truly know that you understand what and why they are trying to do, they will be more open to hearing what you have to say. I find that if I'm not sure that someone understands my point, that I figure that they are making "bad" decisions but they would change their mind if they understood my point. So I keep trying to pound my point into their brains (I know this is not one of my better qualities...). BUT, if I know that they *do* understand my point - but they *disagree* with it - I have an easier time (maybe because then I don't feel like I have to keep explaining my point).)
Once you are on solid footing, where they feel like you are understanding them, then you can introduce your dilemma. Tell them about who you are. Why is science not igniting your spark? What are you excited about? What do you think your strengths are? What are your weaknesses? What other directions are you considering? Why are they interesting to you? (My son came to me 2 years ago and told me that he wanted to go into the Army. Talk about parental panic! But we talked enough so that I knew that he was realistic about the risks, and understood the commitment he was making. He said "Hopefully the job that I'm taking won't put me in the front lines. But, if I have to go to the front lines and fight for my country, I would be proud to do that." And he was so excited about it. It was clear that this was a choice that he had considered carefully, and that this was the direction he wanted to go in.) Never underestimate the power of enthusiasm. Your parents WANT you to be happy. If you can show them that you have determined what path will make you happy, they will be likely to give you their blessing.
Tell them how stressed you are now, and how unhappy you are. It really isn't unusual for beginning college students to switch majors (sometimes every semester for a while). College is a time to sample things you haven't been exposed to, some you will like, and they will become part of the rest of your life. Some won't be exciting to you, and you'll move on to something else.
Try to let your parents know that your decisions aren't based on rebellion against them, but rather on choices for you.
Good luck!
poster:fallsfall
thread:406918
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20041016/msgs/406953.html