Posted by 64Bowtie on September 11, 2004, at 11:37:05
In reply to Re: Does self-esteem replace self-respect???, posted by Miss Honeychurch on September 11, 2004, at 10:27:23
> I wholeheartedly believe they are two different things and know that I NEED self respect much more so than self esteem.
>
> But, don't the two somehow fit together? Can one have lots of self esteem with no self respect? I believe FOR SURE. Can one have self respect with no self esteem? I don't know.<<< I've watched and studied many new to recovery. Universally, they parachute into recovery with a big chip on their shoulder from a world of violence not knowing from "self", let alone "esteem" or "respect". They profess a demand for others to respect them "or else" (veiled violence). A simple assumptive formula that I suggest is 1. discover self-respect 2. Practice, practice, practice self-respect (w/o violence or coercion) 3. Find your self-esteem when you are good at self-respect enough to make self-esteem work properly and mean something.
Warning: (the following is a platitude)
Self-esteem w/o self-respect does'nt stick!
<<< Side note: new recovery folks defend themselves for not knowing self things by saying they were toooo busy with their (messy) lives and jail and stuff, and couldn't waste time with learning about "feely" stuff. David Peck (my mentor for coaching) would ask, "Why not? You had the same amount of time I had, didn't you? Were you somehow given a clock with less numbers on it? I was a tradesman who raised 5 kids before going to college and becoming a therapist. I made the time, quietly, and with grace. Perhaps you have toooo much up-roar in your life. Is that what you mean? No grace in your life?" Afterwards he explained to me he wasn't bragging, that instead he was trying to get them to get off their arrogant high-horse that because it happened to them, it was important. Instead its really very important to us all, not just them.
Thank you David for being patient with your hard-headed pupil..... me. I miss you....
Rod
poster:64Bowtie
thread:389540
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040907/msgs/389628.html