Posted by finelinebob on May 9, 2004, at 2:23:48
In reply to Mother's day, posted by deirdrehbrt on May 8, 2004, at 20:30:02
It's easy for me to say this, since I've got 20 years of realizing just how much my parents screwed up my head. That's a lot more perspective than you've had a chance to develop.
My parents' ignorance, their own emotional problems, the bad genes they inherited from their parents and passed on to me -- none of that excuses what they did and how it molded my life.
But I eventually realized they needed my compassion more than my anger. Moreover, **I** needed to offer them compassion more than anger if I was going to heal. I've moved on, I've gotten help. They didn't. They aren't ready to face their own issues, and they may never be. So, for everything they did RIGHT in raising me, I'm going to do all I can to emphasize the good they did, and take away the pain they still feel from time to time.
I'm not saying to give up your anger. Even after 20 years, I've still got a few pockets to work out. Besides, they may deserve it! How honest you want to be is up to you. I can't say I've lied to them, but my parents can't handle my view of the truth. I don't see any need to share it with them either -- they've got their own demons.
Do what you need to do to be true to yourself and to help you heal. That should be your first priority. If that means you can celebrate any good that your mother has done for you, this might be a good day to emphasize it.
hth, flb
poster:finelinebob
thread:344904
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040507/msgs/344986.html