Posted by tamdon on April 30, 2004, at 5:02:13
Hi, this is my first time posting here, but I am at the end of my rope. I am incredibly lonely, in life and in this illness. I just got off my anti-depressant because the side-effects were outweighing the any benefit I initially felt. I feel deserted by my bestfriends and family who constantly deride me for being negative when I am depressed and for bringing them down. They say, I am doing this to myself and that I just need to try harder. I abhor myself. I have been chronically unemployed for 11 years since college, while watching my friends go on to have money and success, and most importantly happiness. They can't understand why I can't just get over the past and start thinking positive. I've been thru medication trial after trial. Nardil helped, then pooped. Back at square one. I have no life. I have lived no life. No spouse, no love, no jobs or careers, just a blank past filled with pain and sorrow. And they just see me as not trying, saying they won't help me till I help myself. I have so little self-esteem left that I don't believe I can do anything anymore. I feel my chance has passed. It is so horrible feeling this way. Now, my family wants me to go back to help take care of my grandparents sick with Alzheimer's and possibly cancer. I can not even care for myself. I haven't really had a real meal in days. I stay up all night on the internet looking for answers to my medication problems. I am in such pain.
poster:tamdon
thread:341656
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040430/msgs/341656.html