Posted by Ilene on April 21, 2004, at 22:18:10
In reply to Dear diary April 20, posted by Ilene on April 20, 2004, at 21:33:52
Didn't sleep too well, even with earplugs. Almost forgot my meds, and had a hard time falling asleep.
Felt okay except when I had to climb stairs or walk around outside. Also feel like I have a bladder infection. Nothing like bad health to keep you on your toes.
I got my husband to put in a couple of window screens (hurray!). He sprayed off the car when he rinsed the screens and I wiped it dry. Not as effective as actually soaping it up, but faster, and it looks fairly clean.
Saw the pdoc, but I can't remember most of what she said. I asked her why she didn't think ADs were going to do it for me and why she thought I was so clueless about how other people or events aren't in charge of my emotional state.
About the first--I wish I could remember! Part of it had to do with her not knowing why the ADs I took a few years ago stopped working. I said it was common for them to poop out. She thinks my expectations of drugs are unrealistic--that I want them to "do it all". I said remission, rather than merely response, is what the goal of treatment is supposed to be--or so I've read.
She likes my irreverence and ability to laugh at myself. I think big deal. She was in quite a mood today. Gales of laughter. I told her maybe should have chosen another line of work if she was just going to laugh at her patients. That was just funnier. I gotta admit I get a charge out of making her laugh. It's easy if I'm in the right mood.
We went round and round about my inability to integrate thinking and feeling. I brought up the incident with my husband and getting dressed. The three things I was thinking were a) the extreme reaction I had, 2) my inability to get it under control, and 3) the speed with which it dissipated when my husband apologized. I realized my reaction was extreme at the time, but I couldn't get it to go away. She said one of the tenets (is that the right word?) of DBT is to accept a feeling, and telling myself that my reaction was extreme or inappropriate was not "accepting". (Hell.)
I made the analogy of hurting myself, say, in the kitchen. (E.g. sometimes I cut or burn myself while I'm cooking.) I rinse it off and get a bandaid, and the pain usually recedes while I finish the meal. I don't have similar tools for emotional cuts and burns.
Got a script for Cytomel (thyroid hormone).
(I'm getting tired here.)
Home again, home again, jiggity jog. Stopped behind a car with a license plate holder bearing the imprint of the Accident Garage in Accident, MD. Let's hope none of us ever ever has to take the road through *that* burg.
Picked up papers for my son's pdoc at his middle school. Last week I dropped of 3 pages, today I picked up ... 7. I suppose this is in compensation for those times when I dropped off papers and they lost them.
All three of us went to visit son's pdoc.
Had some leftovers/frozen food for dinner, picked up a little, real estate agent came over to talk about selling our house. We can probably get more for it than we thought, but we need to get estimates on repair work. I don't want to deal with that.
I'll be going to California in a couple of weeks to look for a place for us to live.
Bye for now.
poster:Ilene
thread:325511
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040414/msgs/338588.html