Posted by inthegloaming on April 4, 2004, at 22:50:34
this has got to stop.
i don't even know what to say anymore. i think i'm insane. these little things, these webs of information getting back to the wrong people... they're causing explosions in my blood, causing me to stab the wall and scream. i confide something, they tell it, i don't know... it's not even about that. i gave them leave? did i? i said 'do what you want.' at the end. so tired.
talking about the girl. the implications of me liking her, of how i hate myself for it. how i feel evil and awful and ugly for my love, how i worry that she'll hate me, that she'll see what a monster i am. i'm monstering myself, i can see myself doing it, but i can't stop. i'm on some crazy road... i don't even know if this makes sense... who are these people? these infoleaks? it's all my fault. i can't keep my mouth shut so i flip and then go numb. so numb. in on myself.
don't know what else to say. just need to vent and ramble. for which i thank you.--g
poster:inthegloaming
thread:332703
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040331/msgs/332703.html