Posted by kid47 on March 15, 2004, at 11:43:49
I am a complete idiot. I can't believe I didn't see it coming. I lost 8 pounds in 10 days.(maybe I should write a diet book) I was only sleeping a coupla hours a night. Everbody was telling me I seemed really up & motivated. For someone who suffers with Bipolar disorder, you think I might of had a clue. But not this genius. I was manic. probably hypo-manic actually. I've really only had full blown mania once that I know of. Usually I was just depressed. Being an ultra super dooper rapid cycling kind of a guy(that almost sounds like a good thing),by Friday night I was a blubbering mass of goo. You have to understand, I've been basically stable and med free (except for the occasional Klonopin) for almost three years. So this was a bit of a surprise. I tried not to let on to my family that I had tripped and fallen into the ole black pit(and I couldn't get up), but by Saturday they could pretty much tell something was very wrong with me. The fact that I was standing on the back porch (I thought that would be a good place to hide) in my bath robe in the rain, mumbling about what a complete piece of sh*t I was might have tipped them off. Well one small advantage of rapid cycling is, after a couple of days at the bottom of the well, today I can kind of see out the top. I called the doc this morning, and tomorrow afternoon we get to decide which, probably ineffective, sometimes horrendous side effect producing, meds I'm gonna try again. Boy Howdy!! Now that's what I call a good time!! (meds have worked for me in the past. It just took a really long time to find the right cocktail) So why the annoyingly upbeat nature of this post you might ask? (That is if anybody is actually still reading this self indulgent diatribe.) Well like some of you, my depression seems to come in tidal waves. It's almost as if I have an I V in my arm and every few hours the little chemists in my brain decide to give me a bolus of India Ink and turn my brain a gruesome shade of black.(But with the right shoes it can actually be quite flattering.) I am currently in between those injections and feel OK enough to come into work and do absolutely nothing except spew out this drivel. It sometimes helps me to write and actually helps keep my mind off my mood if I'm not too far gone. (and at that point call Belger Cartidge as you will find me rolled in a tight little immobile ball) But rather than be all "poor me", I thought I might try and put a more positive spin on "Welcome To My Little World of Abarrent Brain Chemistry" or "This Really Sucks Big Time" take your pick. Sorry about all this.
peace
kid
poster:kid47
thread:324621
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040305/msgs/324621.html