Posted by tinydancer on March 15, 2004, at 1:46:21
A big reason why I've been doing so poorly is because of the guy I'm married to. I can't get him to understand or even want to try to understand what I'm going through. I sat and talked to him and explained how I was feeling, and then an hour later he started yelling at me because the house wasn't clean. Every morning he starts out the same way-if I don't have every single thing he needs laying out and ready, he screams at me. This includes clothes, keys, phone, everything. This morning I finally asked him why he asks me where his things are. I don't ask him where my things are. He says "You move them". That's true, I'm in a terrible habit of MOVING people's keys around for entertainment.
The thing is, I want so much to feel better, but he doesn't understand this. According to him, I don't do enough. Well, first off, I'm currently on disability leave for psychological reasons. I'm not supposed to be doing a lot in the first place, although I am active 4 days a week in therapy programs. I have been struggling to do something as simple as take a shower, and him yelling at me for not getting something done makes me feel even worse and hopeless. His answer to what I need to do is to "Go for a walk every day". This is his answer to EVERYTHING if it involves being depressed. I believe in the power of physical exercise, and know that it can make you feel a lot better, but folks, going for a walk every day isn't going to change the fact I have a mental illness and that a lot of the symptoms that come with it aren't going to disappear with a walk every day. Plus, it is utterly non supportive and disrespectful of me and the work I do at therapy. Go for a walk-problems solved. I actually do walk a mile every day I go to my therapy programs, but he said its not enough! (That's 25 minutes!) I guess I just need to vent. I'm so angry at him and feel so trapped in this life. I feel like I'm treated like a nothing, so meaningless. Everything I say is dimissed with laughter. Everything I read, listen to,watch and say is made fun of. I'm just so tired of it.
poster:tinydancer
thread:324476
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040305/msgs/324476.html