Posted by DaisyM on March 13, 2004, at 13:14:58
In reply to Obsessing about Suicide, posted by Susan J on March 13, 2004, at 12:49:49
Susan,
I have to say the first time I was where you are, I shocked the hell out of myself. I use to be the ultimate polyanna -- I ALWAYS found the silver lining and looked at the bright side.
And then...and then. I felt so trapped, couldn't see a way out and started to realize that I *did* ultimately have a way out. It was a really big, black hole to be in.
I finally confessed these thoughts to my Therapist. I was sure he'd be mad, or even, wouldn't want to work with me anymore. I posted about this a month or so ago on Psychological. He was great though, and we talked about what was really behind the thoughts, how this was part of depression and what to do with the thoughts when they came up. It made it better, less scary in some ways to have them. And he said he wouldn't want to stop working with me, in fact, he would insist on seeing me more. (big sigh of relief)
And talking about it took some of the intensity away. I still *know* I hold that card, and it still floors me to *know* this. But, I strongly suggest you talk to someone about your thoughts and what is driving them. I don't think it is unusual at all but still, you don't want to dismiss it.
I don't know if it helps to know you aren't alone in this. Oh, the other thing I found helpful was the book, "Undercurrents" because I saw myself in parts of the book and that was the first time I found how I was feeling so accurately articulated.
Be nice to yourself and keep posting.
Daisy
poster:DaisyM
thread:323969
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040305/msgs/323974.html