Posted by Ilene on January 13, 2004, at 11:48:16
In reply to Scary Internet Dating Dude, posted by Susan J on January 13, 2004, at 9:13:29
> So in my never ending quest to find a guy worth dating twice, I gave my cell phone number to another internet dude. He asked if he could call me last night. I said sure, I'll be home after 7:30 or so.....
>
> Well, he called at 6:30, 7:00, 7:20, 7:30, 8:00, 8:20, 8:45, 9:00, at which time I turned OFF my cell phone, freaking out. I turned it back on this morning and there are 3 more messages on there. He had left 4 before that.
>
> OK, in my book, someone calls you, they leave a message, and you call them back when you can. I fully intended on calling him back last night when I got done with my chores around the house, walking the dog, regularly nightly stuff, so I could sit down and actually talk to the guy around 8 or so.
>
> Is this so WRONG!!!!!!
>
> Why is the guy acting like I'm either dead or I'm being really rude for not answering the phone, after he's called a gazillion times? Am I way off base being scared by his behavior?
>
> And I've got another e-mail from him this morning. A little afraid to open it. Should I cut all contact with him now, or give him the courtesy of telling him *why* he has scared me to death and I hope to never be in the same city as him ever????
>
> S.
I've always wanted to play Miss Manners. Here's my take:You gave the guy your phone number and an invitation to call you. You owe him the courtesy of a reply, and an apology for not getting back to him last night. You can make up some reason why you "couldn't" call him if you need to, but then you are deferring the inevitable rejection.
You haven't revealed the contents of his messages, so I don't know if they are fairly normal or truly disturbing. He could be a guy who just plays by slightly different rules. Maybe he's just overeager, but not actually creepy. No way to know.
I think it's important to act by the commonly accepted rules of etiquette, even if he doesn't. It's fair to tell him you were disturbed by all the phone calls, that you had expected one call and were prepared to call him back when you had gotten your chores (or whatever) out of the way.
I think your best strategy is to keep things low key and casual. No telling him off or stalking off in a huff. Be prepared for him to demand an explanation as to why he was out of line by calling more than once. In that case apologize for your uneasiness and politely say you must go, this isn't working out for you, and end the phone or e-mail conversation.
Maybe you should ask the guys if you can call them instead? Then you won't be giving out your phone number. Or use an online chat service where you can block people.
Ilene
poster:Ilene
thread:300131
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040109/msgs/300177.html