Posted by kara lynne on December 7, 2003, at 3:04:38
He said he wanted my address so he could send me a 'little gift, nothing much.' Then he let it drop that he was going to Mexico for a week so he wouldn't be here, even though I 'probably wouldn't talk to him if he was', as if I were the one responsible for all the rejecting. It makes me crazy when he flips the circumstances around to make it seem like he's just this poor man waiting for me to call if only I would. The reality is that a month ago he left a message saying he was going to look for a counselor so we might pursue therapy together; not only did he not follow up on that, he left message after inane message about a stray cat he adopted. Nothing else about us was ever mentioned again. But because I didn't respond, he can altar reality to make it look like this. He's comfortable in this ridiculously devoid relationship where he doesn't have to do anything except maybe drop off a little somthing at Xmas. And because I'm not receiving it with gratitude, I guess I am the one with the problem.
He didn't tell me who he was going with or why, so naturally it creates intrigue and jealousy . Of course I want to know who he's going with, this is the kind of thing I could obsess about forever. But he dropped this little bomb of a message, in absolutely the sweetest possible voice, calling me 'baby' as if we'd just woken up together in the same bed this morning. I have not seen him in almost six months, and I've barely spoken to him in the last two.
I called him. He answered. I told him this is unfair. if he's not going to work it out with me then don't call me and I don't want any presents. Then I hung up. I didn't say a thing about Mexico or anything else.
Then my friend and I went to a restaurant. The cute bartender flirted with me and didn't charge me for my ginger ale. She said he really seemed interested, but we both felt he was a player. She said I flirted just fine (that was her assignment for me for the evening)--I wasn't sure I could anymore. It may be small, but it's all I have.
I almost can't feel any worse about the ex at this point. I've been repeatedly jerked around and now I'm just worn out. He has taken insulting me, and gaslighting me to new frontiers--maybe I've finally hit bottom. I shook, but I didn't cry. I forced myself to go out anyway, and sit with my nice alcoholic friend while she drank her after wine martini. She's really very supportive of me.
I did keep asking her if she thought I had some underlying terrible disease that was making me so tired, though.
poster:kara lynne
thread:287342
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031124/msgs/287342.html