Posted by Larry Hoover on November 17, 2003, at 6:20:32
In reply to hospitalization - how do you know when?, posted by Waterlily on November 16, 2003, at 19:24:34
> How do you know when to go to the hospital? What's it like there?
It depends on the hospital. And the when part should be something you talk about now, in my opinion. Depression changes subjective thought, how you perceive things, to such an extent that you may be unable to make a reasonable decision later, when it is more crucial to make one.
> One of my worst fears is that I'll end up there some day. To me that would be the ultimate failure (to me, that is, I don't think it is for others).
It's not a failure to acknowledge a need for help. It's a sign of strength. That's my sincere opinion.
> It would mean that I'd be unable to take care of my family and I know I'd be letting them down.
If you needed hospitalization, your family would know of your struggle already. They'd know it was best for you.
> I have a husband and two daughters ages 9 and 11.
Perfectly capable of looking after their own needs....
> I am at a very low point right now and am worried that I won't be able to go to work tomorrow. All I feel is emptiness and I see end to it. I am on medication (Wellbutrin for the past 8 or 9 years and just started on Luvox for this deep depression and anxiety on Friday). I've been in therapy for nearly 3 years and feel like I've lost all of the ground I gained. I will not entertain the idea of s.uicide (computer will delete that word if I type it normally) because my dad did it when I was 14. I could never put my family through that, but I have this feeling that I'm destined for it, which makes me scared that I'll lose control of myself and do it against my will.
You need to bring a person you trust into the loop. It could be a doctor, your therapist, your husband, a close friend....someone you can say a key phrase to, something you've agreed is the statement that puts into place an action plan. Or, an observable state....like being nonresponsive in bed when you might otherwise be up. Or crying without being able to stop. An observer can be objective, and make the action plan work.
When I get into that place you find yourself now, I get my action plan ready (call emergency, call a cab, and go), but my personal difficulty is that my depression makes me feel so unworthy of anyone's efforts on my behalf (I'd be wasting their valuable time) that I never successfully got my action plan to work. The biggest problem was, I lived alone. You've got people right there.
> I guess I would have to call the pdoc on call if things got terribly bad, but I wouldn't know when to do that. Any thoughts?
Talk about it with him, now, while you can discuss it with some degree of clarity. He's prepared to answer that question, I can assure you. It's part of his job, and part of being on call.
Please acknowledge your own strength and courage in asking these difficult questions. You've got what it takes to get through this.
Hugs,
Lar
poster:Larry Hoover
thread:280335
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031113/msgs/280462.html