Posted by Larry Hoover on October 28, 2003, at 11:13:20
In reply to The allknowing Larry. :-) » Larry Hoover, posted by Susan J on October 27, 2003, at 9:31:37
> Larry!
>
> > Very simplistic representation:
> > You value affirmation over being ignored over getting negative feedback. She probably also values affirmation first, but she prefers negative feedback over being ignored. Feel sorry for her for that, and ignore her. That's the last thing she wants.
> <<Oh. My. God. That makes so much sense to me!I just tried to use what I read, to get into her head. I had to assume she was doing it this way on purpose (even addicts choose to use again), so the only way that could be true is that she feels like she's getting something from you, despite your anger.
> > > Now let's complicate this further, and maybe she genuinely likes me. If she does, why would she want to annoy me?
> >
> > I think she has shown some preference to interacting with you. Whether it is like is irrelevant. You feed her needs somehow. If you can figure out how to starve her, she'll "feed" somewhere else.
>
> Larry! Forgive my amazement, this is just so cool. I never ever thought of it like that.I think outside the box all the time. <shrug>
> I guess I just naturally love being around people I *like.* And of course, I guess I thought she felt the same... But I have to admit I've felt that feeling of satisfaction for having annoyed someone. Maybe she feels *that* with me, a whole bunch. Or whatever. Like you said, I fill some need...for whatever.
The concept whatever seems to be good enough, here.
> I must say, I've told her in a very level tone of voice that I prefer not to discuss personal stuff with her. I had to tell her twice, and she didn't even *ask why* ?????? But, I've been in here this morning at work, after having told her last week that I had a date last Friday night, and she hasn't set foot into my office to ask about it, hasn't even really spoken to me other than to say hello.
I didn't think it would be *that* easy.
> And it's sheer heaven!!!!! :-)
>
> I hope it lasts....
>
> Thanks, Larry!I very much hope it lasts, too. You're welcome.
And thanks for addressing my concerns yesterday. I'm sorry that I didn't even notice that you had things on your mind, too.
Lar
poster:Larry Hoover
thread:271851
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031020/msgs/274285.html