Posted by Susan J on October 28, 2003, at 11:07:50
In reply to Pain, Pain, My World is Pain....., posted by Susan J on October 27, 2003, at 10:19:18
Well,
Sis-in-law has now taken an interest in their 2-year-old, which she never has before. My brother does the cooking, cleaning, childcare, manages the household money, and runs his own business. K works full time and shops. Honestly.
K is now spending more time with my nephew, N, just in the past week, and says N is the most important thing in the world to her. My brother has been N's primary care provider and is absolutely in love with his son, and I think K knows this is the way to hurt him.
She rearranged her work schedule so she could go with N on a field trip yesterday to a petting zoo with N's day care center, but it rained like crazy, so it got rescheduled to Friday. Well, K went into the day care center and apparently cussed out the day care providers and made a real scene because it's "very hard" for her to rearrange her schedule to attend that field trip and now she can't go on Friday.
Ummmm, I think she shoulda taken that cancellation thing up with God, with the rain and all that...
Anyway, it's just another example of how her previously stable behavior has fallen apart.
And my brother had lent her $3,000 to put down on her own new car, specifiying it was a loan from his company, and now she refuses to pay him back. He didn't get anything in writing. She said it was *our* money. I don't know if she's just being annoying and hateful, or if she's really not very intelligent.
My brother is being waaaaayyyy too nice to her, and trying to be reasonable, treating her the way he would want to be treated. But it's backfiring huge. She's taking him for everything and he's just letting her, even though he can't afford it.
The stakes are higher than anything I've seen in my life. A 2-year-old bright, happy boy's stability is at stake, and we are trying to keep him that way. On one hand I want to reach out and offer support to K, the sis-in-law, because she must be in amazing pain to be acting like this. My brother and our family really have been her only support network...ever...and she's throwing us away.
On the other hand,she's tearing my brother apart, and I'll always be in his corner. But then, I've got to make my brother see he's got to treat K like the enemy right now (not *destroy* her, just not *help* her at his expense), but that goes against his very caring nature.
And my mother is falling apart because she can't handle the stress, and I have no desire to comfort her (whole other story) so I feel guilty about not wanting to help my mom. For God's sake she was crying yesterday and I just wanted to yell at her to shut up because her tears aren't helping anything.
Now how dysfunctional/cold/mean/hateful/selfish is that of me???????? Sheesh...Instead, I suggested to her that it might be helpful for *her* to talk to a therapist to get this all out and learn how to cope with the pain more effectively, because we do all have to be strong for my brother and N. I mean, this situation is about all I talk to my therapist about anymore...
And I so want my brother to be able to keep N full time, at least until K gets her act together. And I don't know if that's possible.
It's amazing how much personal pain can destroy you and those you love, or just those who love you. How do I make it all better? I know, there's no way I can.....
Susan
poster:Susan J
thread:273896
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031020/msgs/274282.html