Posted by ROO on July 28, 2003, at 10:17:24
In reply to The bipolar artist, posted by Gracie2 on February 27, 2002, at 0:14:38
> I would be interested to know how others feel
by the change in their personality due to
medication.
I have decided I don't like mood stabilizers for this
reason and I'm not going to take them. Of course I'm
lucky I have this luxery. I'm not classic bipolar. I'm
cyclothymic or bipolar 2 (supposedly--I'm not sure I even
agree with this). Mood stabilizers, for me, take away what
I love most in life--my emotions...my joy...my enthusiasm...
my artistic inspiration. To me, that's what makes life
worth living. I was flattened for a year on topamax...a
zombie...I had no soul...I almost killed myself it depressed
me so much. Off mood stabilizers...sometimes I get those
panicky agitated feelings and I feel like I'm going to crawl
out of my skin. I'm tempted to go back on the zombie meds...but
the agitation passes (sometimes it's a suicidal agitation)...and
I have joy again...inspiration...silliness...and I'm so glad I
didn't cave in to taking the medicine. I have just decided to make
that sacrifice...I'm not willing to give up my joy...and the things
that make me an artist. (I write, paint, play music...on mood stabilizers...
I'm too flattened to be inspired).I'm grateful that I have this option. I know that some people don't. I
don't get destructive during my agitated cycling...(meaning
I don't go on wild spending sprees, get promiscuous, or go to jail) it's just miserable and
I have to wait through it and convince myself it will pass and I don't
need to kill myself.
poster:ROO
thread:18957
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030727/msgs/246129.html