Posted by Temmie on July 21, 2003, at 8:17:46
I don't know how all of you have kept up with this whirlwind saga ....
Looking back, all I can remember is missing Paul terribly ... calling him and sniffling into the phone about how miserable I felt without him, etc. He had an appointment at the VA that day, and I assumed he might call later. (Wouldn't you, if your sweetie was in the thralls of despair?) The next morning I called him at Andrea's, the mother of his 25-year old son where the two of us had stayed a few times .... That's when I learned she'd asked him to leave, and when I called her again later, that's when I learned he'd brought Jane home the night before.
As he went out the door, he told her, "If Temmie calls, tell her I went to Massachusetts to see Evan (son number two.)"
* * * * *
Last night, I'm repeating myself, I know, I called another friend in Lenox -- a friend of Paul and Jane's actually, who's also become a sort of friend to me. Paul and Jane were both there ... and he was a ghost of himself. He sounded sober, but unable to express/explain himself. "I guess this is just who I am."
In the fantasy of my deepest imaginings, I would love to have been there with Jane -- to have told him, "Pick one." But the truth is, he isn't the right man for me, and I know this.
My one requirement -- that I was really clear about, was that I wanted my camera back. Today. I want it in the hands of someone other than himself. Then? Jane and him can groove to their heart's (and bodies) content. Until they're worn out and spent. Jane filed assault and battery charges against Paul when he left her in November. We'd been talking on the phone, and I knew nothing about this "girlfriend," (whom he'd obliquely described as a roommate). His court date for the A&B is coming up July 29 or 30. Maybe if she shows up with him, draped over his arm, the charges will be dropped.
In the meantime there's another court date on the 28 stemming from another girlfriend in another part of Massachusetts.
Good luck.
Family are sympathetic to me. I told Paul's brother I'd picked the wrong brother. We laughed. His sister thinks Jane and I are both nuts for hanging out with him, and hopes he gets jail time. Sister also wants mother to quit sending money to bail him out of trouble, and friend Andrea wants him to go into rehab.
I'm doing pretty well. I use Xanax as needed during the day, which isn't much -- maybe 3 or 4 .25s. I use Seroquel to sleep 50-100 mgs. I think I'll be okay.
"Dennis" whom I met over eharmony.com (check is out, interesting personality profile there) has stopped writing me ... presumably because I mentioned I was "overweight" (size 12/14). I guess I'll find someone ... since I don't have my camera ... who can shoot some pictures of me to put online -- although I could try my old Pentax with tripod. Hmmmmm. I'm not going to let this get to me.
Poor Paul. He knows so little about commitment. So little about the depth of ... well ... the depth of whatever it is -- that keeps one straight and true. He told me in one conversation or another, I think it was the night I finally confronted me, "Please don't leave me, you are, by far, the most interesting person on the planet. I love you ... bla bla bla."
I feel very good, and very clear in stating what I've always said -- infidelity is the last straw.
Thank you all for (if I might be so mushy) loving and supporting me. It means a great deal, and helps whole bunches! I'm off to dress and ready for my "linguistics" class now. Good God. Looking at this book, starting on page 1 -- I'm lost already.
Wish me luck.
Temmie
poster:Temmie
thread:243840
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030719/msgs/243840.html