Posted by zenhussy on July 4, 2003, at 1:04:24
Honey,
Damn. That's some serious dookage you've been through.
Regardless of what that other woman has said, written to you or your spouse forget her nastiness.
When one is emotionally neglected for so long one needs to do what one can to take care of themselves. I strayed from my partner a few years back (we're over now...never married thank goodness...archives explain more) when I was being totally shut out of his life. I sought out companionship which turned into physical comfort.
I felt like a sack of dung for doing so but I had more than one therapist and many friends remind me that my emotional needs were NOT being met by my "partner" and to go find other ways of meeting those needs (after exhausting couples therapy and that whole route) was the only way of caring for myself that I could. It might sound twisted to some but I am the kind of person who cannot take emotional neglect nor physical neglect. I'm not 'needy or clingy' in any sense of those words but do need a partner to be a partner. Mine wasn't. I went out and got my needs met. It sounds as if you did the same.
It is tragic that this person who provided comfort and kindness that was lacking from your husband is now gone and his wife has turned nasty and vindictive on you but please please please do not take her words or calls as indications of you being a bad person.
You were trying to take care of yourself the best you knew how. Nobody is in your shoes therefore nobody is in any space to judge what you did and why you did it.
I hold no judgement against you. I have only great sympathy that your husband is in the place he is in and that you have just lost a person who gave you some comfort in your life and now his wife is on the rampage. I am so very sorry honey.
Where you're at isn't the end of the world. I'm out taking care of my mum right now but bet that I'm within 40 miles of where you live back home. I wish I could ring you when I return and just give you some words over the phone from someone who has endured a similar situation (dotcom bust, affair, and all).
You are still the same beautiful Racer that has always graced these boards. We all 'stumble' along this path called life. Stumbling is hard and hurts but rarely is it worth throwing in the final towel.
I cannot make that call for you nor judge you for any choices you make.
I'm self medicating with vino out here to deal with stressors of the ma care and other crap that is going on. Not wise but hell I'm fresh out of other ideas. I was trying to sleep for a bit but am up again and saw your post over on pb 2000.
My best love and support as a fellow former dot commer who is living hand to mouth and had much emotional neglect from my 'partner' (and I use that term in the loosest way possible!) so I feel for what you've been through.
You're holding up as well as anyone could under the circumstances.
My candle, a homemade one that mum made with local seashells in it, is burning away. Can you feel the support and love from a few thousand miles away? It will burn all night safely and I hope that you too will stay safe.
with great affection and concern,
zenhussy
poster:zenhussy
thread:239142
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030626/msgs/239142.html