Posted by Tabitha on July 2, 2003, at 1:53:40
In reply to Re: Thanks everyone.. you got a laugh out of me.., posted by Tabitha on July 1, 2003, at 18:52:57
therapist on vacation, friends all busy with holiday travel plans. I'll be alone on the 4th. I hate being alone 4th of july, 2nd worst only to christmas. Even my birthday alone is better.
I've been fairly OK so long, I think I've forgotten my coping mechanisms. With all his flaws he's been the only person there for me on a daily basis, even more than once a day. I've never had that kind of closeness. I didn't even know I could tolerate it. Usually I think once a week is too much to see a guy.
Remind me.. what does one do when one feels desperate? Can't call the therapist, she's on vacation. Can't call friends, I've already exhausted them all with my saga. I've been thinking of dipping into the old dead relationships pool. Folks who will be surprised to hear from me at all, much less in a barely concealed crisis state. If I were thinking rationally I'd know that's a mistake.
Even calling friends makes me feel worse. It's like opening up the wound again to talk about it, then they can't talk long enough to provide any relief.
What did I used to do? I haven't felt this desperate in so long, I've forgotten. Is it better to cry or not to cry? To wallow in pain or try to do pleasant things to provide distraction. To up the meds or hold steady? To focus on it or away from it. I can't remember.
poster:Tabitha
thread:238466
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030626/msgs/238669.html