Posted by Penny on July 1, 2003, at 15:41:31
In reply to Why??, posted by whiterabbit on July 1, 2003, at 15:15:22
I totally agree. I have seen what meds can do, and I'm just hoping to get back there. Not that I've ever been where I would like to someday be, but at least I was able to function well enough to work toward that goal. I truly believe my pdoc is fantastic and is on the right track and I totally trust him. He's no where near ready to give up and I'm not either - not yet, anyway.
Of course, today is a good day. Tomorrow my whole outlook could change.
My grandfather's suicide actually had some other circumstances surrounding it other than depression - primarily that he had been accused of molesting my four-year-old cousin, and her mother (my first cousin) began having memories of him molesting her as a child also. It nearly tore our family apart - as it stands, my cousin and her children are estranged from the family, and I don't know where I stand in the whole thing. On one hand, there's never ANY excuse for what he did (which he all but admitted to in his suicide note), and I am filled with anger toward him both for that and for not facing up to it but instead taking his life and leaving my grandmother at the same time. On the other hand, my cousin, who, for good reason I suppose, is seriously screwed up and doesn't take care of her children and now won't let my grandmother see them, even though she claims to not know anything about what happened. And I question my grandmother's ignorance of the whole situation, but my therapist agreed that sometimes people can be oblivious to things they just don't want to believe. But I don't know... I still have a hard time imagining my grandfather as a child molester. I was pretty close to him.
But, yes, having a suicide in my family increases my risk of suicide. Top it off with my parents' substance abuse, which I truly think is their way of self-medicating, especially with my mom, and it's no wonder why I suffer from depression. I have suffered from depression since I was about 10 years old. My entire life changed that year.
I don't expect them to understand - b/c, as you said, in order for them to understand, they would have to have been there, and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. At the same time, I do wish they would accept what I say is true - why would I lie about such a thing?
I suppose I am just very outspoken, usually, about my depression and treatment, in hopes of educating others. My grandmother herself has been on Celexa, Paxil and Zoloft, all prescribed by her internist. She just went off of Zoloft and says she can't tell a difference. I've tried explaining to her that perhaps she wasn't suffering from depression to begin with (she asked her doc about the meds), or perhaps she wasn't adequately medicated. I've told her how it's not likely that a person will just magically respond to one medication, unlike what the pharm companies would like for you to believe.
I am in the process of looking for a support group. Not sure what we have around here, which is a little dismaying considering this is a college town, but I am also talking to some folks about possibly starting a new depression support group through the women's hospital here. It would be a good thing to have, I think.
Haven't read that book, but I'll give it a look.
I did talk to my grandmother today and essentially we agreed to just not discuss my treatment anymore, and we agreed to disagree on what is the best course for me to take. So, hopefully that will be the end of that...???
Thanks.
Penny
poster:Penny
thread:237746
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030626/msgs/238518.html