Posted by Penny on July 1, 2003, at 11:52:05
about the letter she sent me. I haven't called her in several days (since Friday) after receiving her letter on Saturday. She said she hoped she hadn't upset me too much by it, but reminded me that she didn't say anything in the letter that she hadn't said to my face. I told her that no, she didn't, but that's what made it so bad. She HAS said it all before, some of it again and again, and I've told her everytime that I am doing the best I know how to do at the moment and that her repeating herself doesn't help matters.
Her birthday was in June. When I asked what she wanted for her birthday, her response was, "I want for you to feel better." What????? Okay - no pressure there. No guilt over making her life miserable.
If it was anyone but my grandmother I could deal with it much easier. But we've always been so close and she's 75 and starting to get run down and I'm so afraid something is going to happen to her as all three of her brothers have passed as well as my grandfather. Right now she's still active, but she talks more about how bad she hurts (physically) and how she sometimes feels like giving up and I know she's also trying to make me feel like I can't give up, but that just adds to the guilt. I don't want to have hard feelings toward her, I don't want to be angry with her, because if I make her feel bad and then something bad happens, I don't know if I'd ever be able to forgive myself.
poster:Penny
thread:238451
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030626/msgs/238451.html