Posted by leeran on April 10, 2003, at 11:44:59
In reply to help with the stigma, posted by mambo on April 10, 2003, at 6:04:37
(Sorry this is so long, but your post got me thinking and it took me forever to get to my own point - about the "de-stigmatization" of depression. You can do the Cliff Notes version of this post and just skip down to the last paragraph :-)
Just this morning, my husband mentioned "transference,” something I'm famous for.I often become irritated with the world (or the players in my world) and end up feeling guilty about that irritation, and then, I transfer that back on the people around me. It’s like “passive/aggressive” – supersized!
I don't know if this is in line with what you were referring to but I do know that I have problems with:
a) boundaries
b) filtersI have trouble setting boundaries with other people (and probably myself as well) and I really don't have very good filters in almost any situation.
A friend of mine pointed this out to me about a year ago. We were standing in line at the Tijuana border to come back to the US after she had gone there for a cosmetic procedure. It was a two-hour wait, and in that two hours we talked with a fellow (a stranger) who we really go to know quite well.
After we crossed back to the US (he was a US citizen as well) I told my friend that I felt bad about walking away from him, knowing we would probably never see him again. I mentioned the fact that he seemed lonely and that I identified with his situation (he was an only child and I am as well, so I felt this kindred spirit with this fellow). She turned to me and said "Wow, you really don't have any filters at all, do you?"
I realized at that moment that my experience with this guy had been totally different than hers and it kind of shocked me! Since then I've done some thinking about how each one of us can have profoundly different thresholds in dealing with others. We had both stood there with this guy for two hours and walked away with totally different perceptions. There wasn't anything wrong with either perception - they were just different takes.
As for this guy, I’ve thought of him now and then over the last year. He was overweight to the point that he often seemed out of breath, chain-smoked and relayed accounts of relationship problems I just re-read that and it makes it sound like he was a pain in the ass, but he truly wasn't. I could tell he was a caring person who did a lot of thinking about the world in general. Moreover, I could tell that he didn't necessarily want the two-hour wait (which was agonizing) to end because he even went as far as to invite us to breakfast the next day at a place he knew about on the ocean. We declined, but a few months later my husband and I were in that area again and decided to go to the place he recommended and it truly was of the nicest places I've ever sat down to eat breakfast. It was proof for me (once again) of how often we take something forward with us from even the briefest of human interactions.
Hell, I don't even know my point (I don't think there was one), maybe just that I can understand your point about the stigma of being "depressed." I think depression does have an impact on how we deal with other people - BUT - I think there can be (am I about to say this?) a positive side to depression . . .Depression can often bring about great creativity. I think it heightens our sensitivity - which can, at times, be dreadful - but I think that sensitivity can make us, ultimately, more caring for other people. Once you know what mental angst is all about you can empathize all the more with other runners in the human race.
What I like about this website is the opportunity to see people interacting who are obviously very in tune with their own pain (be it current or previous pain) , but who are still willing to reach out to others who are in pain. Every post (such as yours, Mambo) that delves into a subject that may have been (or still is) painful is an offering to others to examine their own feelings. I find that incredibly beautiful – and brave. There is such camaraderie here and a lot of bolstering of the human spirit via the written word.
I think there can be a stigma attached to depression but I think it can also be an experience that teaches us to be more introspective, which can lead to greater empathy for the pain of others. I’m willing to bet that what you went through has made you strong to the point that you would gladly reach out a hand to anyone battling depression – and you would do so without any strings attached, and in the end, that may be what eventually “de-stigmatizes” depression/mental illness.
poster:leeran
thread:218105
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030407/msgs/218173.html