Posted by sienna on March 16, 2003, at 18:15:11
Jessica is sitting in the corner of the room underneath a black sheet. Im very afraid that the whole apartment is going to burn down from all of the candles. There seems to be hundreds but in reality there are only about fifty. New Orleans. we love candles here. The room is pretty bright from them but its a flickering light so it doesnt annoy Jessie. I wish she;d stop crying and tell me exactly what happened.
When she came in all of her clothes were ripped. Im afraid something very bad is happening, but I cant figure out what happened or waht could be done to fix it. Imi watching her sit and shake and Im crying a little too because im afraid. Our phone isnt working and everyone is way too far away to help us. The wax is dripping all over the floor in these patterns that I keep getting trapped inside of . I bought a carton of cigarettes yesterday and now Im chain smoking, because im worried and watching the smoke takes my mind off it. I think the doorbell rang but it could have been downstairs.
We cant hear our real doorbell so we have rigged our own. Our apartment is on the third floor so we have a bell in the window with a string that goes to the street so you can pull it to ring the bell then we throw down the key. Most of our friends pull the string but others throw rocks in the windows as a joke. I guess they found the string cuz now the bell is ringing. I look our the window and throw the key down to Chaos. Shes coming up the stairs.
Do you know what happened to Jessie?", she asks me. I tell her i dont and give her a confused look. Jessie cries harder and I bring her all of the blankets in the house. shes taking blood from the cut on her elbow nad drawing pictures on the wood floor.
"I wish we had paint" I say to no one wishing that I couldnt feel. Theres this cloud of smoke and my eyes are burning, but the pain feels good somehow. Chaos lights a joint, but I pass, I already have spots and blanks in my mind and feel a growing need to contronl myself especially since i have no idea what is going on. Jessie hits the joint crying and coughing between hits. Chaos is holding her in her lap. Chaos says she called the police but im not sure if they will find the bell so i stumble downstairs to wait for them.
An hour later me and the police walk upstairs and Chaos tells them what happened. I didnt ask questions because i was afraid to speak. I cant understnad what is really happening. Im stay out of sight but where i can hear. Everyone seems to be talking in circles. the police ask questions. In between sobs, Jessie tells them descriptions of the guys. She has rope burns on her arms she shows the police.
I think i understand that someone raped her. Actually it was more than one. Chaos is makeing tea and its smell is permeating the air killing the smoke even though everyone is smoking freaking out. I have an urge to yell about how innocent I am and I didnt do anything. Police give me the willies. Jessica has gone to the hospital and Chaos went with her. I remember the cops asking me questionns and just shaking my head. I remember hearing Chaos tell them that I cant say a whole sentence and them looking at me funny and turning away.
Now Im lying on the floor. The candles are burning all around me. I wonder what it would be like to go swimming with animals. Water animals. Would crabs bite your feet. Would the fish be scared. Everything is a circle and Im afraid the guys who hurt Jessie are coming back for me. I sit where she sat in the blankets and try to absorb what she was feeling. To feel something real. Everything seems so hazy and liquid. Its not working.
At the hospital Jessie told what happened. the doctors are poking and prodding at her and asking a thousand questions. When they come home they wake me up and hug me. All of my flashbacks have me curled in a ball. I go to sleep crying we are all piled in the bed.
When we wake up i dont know what happened. Is it real or not. Chaos promises not to leave and we cry all day and fingerpaint taking breaks to make Jessie tea. Jessie just sits on the pillow and stares all day. I dont talk much either. I just wash everything in paint and think about swimming in the ocean.
poster:sienna
thread:209770
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030316/msgs/209770.html