Posted by kath on January 12, 2003, at 14:53:34
In reply to Re: Speaking of sudden downturns » Dinah, posted by Noa on January 11, 2003, at 16:25:13
Noa - as usual - such wisdom. hugs, Kath
> Dinah,
>
> How enraging, is all I can say.
>
> Some thoughts:
>
> 1. Try to remember that your rage is really about your parents crazy-making behavior, and should not be directed toward yourself. Not that I'm advocating actually lashing out at them, just that you frame it that way in your mind.
>
> 2. Remind yourself that your parents are making choices all on their own--you are not forcing them to go lacking. Yes, in a way, your mom is partly right--that is what family is for. But since it is not humanly possible for family to be in two places at one time, etc. then, sometimes a cab (or other self-help action) is necessary. The point being for you: Remember that your mom's choice not to take a cab is exactly that--HER CHOICE. A stupid choice at that. Ideally, yes,, she might have had a ride but given the situation, she chose to wait even though you were not availbe when she could have opted for a cab and did not. HER CHOICE. HER action, not yours. If it was inconvenient to wait, or uncomfortable, it isn't your fault, Dinah. She had a choice.
>
> 3. I think you and your husband (and I know your brother has shipped out to service, are there any other sibs?) should consult with a professional who helps people with issues of care of elderly parents--maybe they can help you develop strategies for dealing with your parents and preserving your own selves, lives, sanity. You know, to help you get clear in your own minds what you can and cannot offer, and how to communicate that to your parents and be able to offer what you can but not feel guilty what you can't, and how to deal with their complaints, etc.
>
> 4. When you are bursting with rage like last night, is there a fast acting anxiolytic that help calm you down? Does the klonopin not work then?
>
> 5. I think it could help to make a list of other calming strategies and keep it by your bed to remind you if you have a fit of anxiety/rage at night.
>
> Hang in there--we care.
poster:kath
thread:35045
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030111/msgs/35129.html