Posted by Miller on December 23, 2002, at 11:02:37
So, I decided that I need to share stuff about me in order for people to understand where my views come from. This will be pretty difficult for me. I decided I will break it into a couple of chapters.
I will not start with childhood, as I believe most people did NOT grow up in an ideal family. I don't think I have depression or mental issues because of what was done to me, but rather, what I have done to others.
The year I graduated from high school my parents divorced. While we grew up in Ohio, they chose to go live with their respective parents in other states. I felt VERY alone. My high school sweetheart asked me to marry him. I accepted. When we married, I was 19, he was 18. Noone from my family attended the wedding.
Since he was in the military, we moved to another state. I had no job, no friends, and no goals. Needless to say, he and I argued a lot. I finally found a job working at a local McDonalds. I hated it, but at least I had a purpose.
My husband was not overly abusive in the ways shown in movies or tv. I think because we were so young and so extreme in our emotions, he didn't know how to handle it. He would only get violent when pushed too far. In turn, I became violent. Not good.
He was then stationed in Korea. I was not allowed to go since, at that time, there was so much student uprising. He was gone for 18 months.
In teenage times, 18 months is forever. While he was gone, he maxed out the credit cards buying "souveniers" and gifts for everyone. He would call home (collect) at least two times a week. Our phone bills were outrageous. I was having a very difficult time meeting the bills. I picked up another job as well as working at McDonalds.
When he was about to come home for his first (and only) visit, he informed me that he had cheated on me when he first got to Korea. To make it worse (as if it could BE worse) he was with a prostitute. When I got upset, he couldn't understand it. He kept saying "You know it was over 6 months ago, let it go!!" Just because HE had 6 months to accept it, didn't mean I did. We fought the entire time he was home visiting.
We he left, I have to say, I flipped out. I started doing things I knew were wrong. I would drink WAY too much. I smoked weed a lot. I quit the McDonalds job. AND I began sleeping with a married man. In my mind, I had justified it because my husband had done it, why shouldn't I?
That shows what state of mind I had at that time.When my husband finally came home, we couldn't get along at all. We decided to call it quits. I never told him about the other guy. I did, however, let him feel dirty and guilty for his indescretion. (I know, what a bitch!! I agree.)
We were financially in the hole, big-time. He and I made an agreement to split the bills down the middle, even though he made quite a bit more money than I. I agreed to this to prevent him from filing bankruptcy. 10 days after the divorce was final, he filed bankruptcy anyway.
He had moved back to Ohio. I really had nothing to return to so I stayed. Things went down hill from there. I will go into the next phase during the next chapter of my saga.
Thanks to everyone for listening to this ranting. The next chapter will be more of a raving.
-Miller
poster:Miller
thread:33822
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021218/msgs/33822.html