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Born With Depression

Posted by Phil on November 13, 2002, at 21:19:58

I had agoraphobia and restless leg syndrome in the womb.
I thought, what genius thought up this deal?
Can't we just fall to earth at 2 years old?
Then I came out. Mother's think they feel pain,
There's a reason you don't remember your birth.
And the room was a mess; I couldn't wait for a bath, cigarette and gin and tonic. Not necessarily in that order.
And the people are goofy looking, smiling with these sh*t eating grins.
The hospital sucked. Nobody communicates with the baby except..those sounds. Morons.
I wanted to tell the doctor that if he kept me in the hospital one stinking more day to go ahead and schedule some ECT. I need dirt to eat, you jerk.
You know how long I have to go before I don't do #1 and #2 in my pants..humiliating; everyone acts like I laid a f*cking Easter egg. Oh loooook, he crapped his pants again. I need some Immodium in my milk..good old Liquid Concrete.
I gotta learn how to walk and 'talk'!! Why?? I don't want to talk to you hillbillies-I'm a NYC kinda guy. You get my drif....damn, crapped my pants again. She'll get my drift, alright.
I have issues with my family. I'm 2 days old and I've never seen this level of dysfunction.
They are ill and I'm impressionable-call that mayor judge, the one with the mannerisms of Paul Lynde. New York guy. Whatever.
Well, I got to split. The LWB: Ladies with babies are getting together to chat and spread malicious gossip but me and the guys got other plans. Hey Vito, who's dealing?

Phil


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