Posted by BeardedLady on November 12, 2002, at 6:03:44
Just venting, ranting.
But what do you do when your life-saving sleeping pills don't work, and you've already upped your Serzone to the panic dose?
Woke up at 2:40 for the third time last night. Thought: no biggie. I've slept five and a half hours. Then my daughter needed her bed changed, so I helped her, and then I figured I'd pop a sonata and get three more hours, since I have to teach tonight.
I went in the guest room and tossed and turned and tossed and thought and thought and thought, and nothing I did could stop it and make me fall asleep. I lay there for two hours waiting for the pill to work, like it always does.
Then my eyes started doing weird things while they were closed--getting brighter and darker in waves. And when I opened my eyes (it was still dark), they were doing the same thing with my eyes opened.
Now I feel like my eyes are all migrainey, like every bright object is being burned into my retina (which is how I usually feel; a flash from a camera can stay in my eyes for about twenty minutes).
Even when I don't take a Sonata, I can usually fall asleep by myself at exactly two hours, but it didn't happen.
I've had a cold for a week and have been taking Nyquil at 1:00 a.m. But before that I was taking sleeping pills more often than not. After the sniper was caught, I had about five days of great sleep in a row. Now I'm back to this early morning awakening.
Why would the sleeping pill, which worked in fifteen minutes the night before last, not work at all last night? What's wrong with my eyes? When will I get right again?
I am so depressed. I've been crying all morning. And the crazy thing is there's absolutely nothing wrong; in fact, it's all going pretty well. I just can't get my sleep clock to work.
I'm sinking.
And I feel even worse for posting my stupid loser rant under Roman's post, when he really needs help. I know that, yet I posted anyway, being the pathetic, self-absorbed whiner that I am.
I make myself sick. Those are the key words right there. Very telling.
What kind of role model can I be for my daughter?
bleary-eyed beardy
poster:BeardedLady
thread:32118
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021106/msgs/32118.html