Posted by ~~tabitha~~ on September 2, 2002, at 4:20:07
Good mood today. Out and about and other people's energy lifted me up instead of hurting me. I could look at the young/beautiful/coupled and enjoy the sight. I flirted with the Gap clerk. I enjoyed just looking at the young young young Starbucks clerk. It wasn't the usual, feeling like lonely pitiful me-- ashamed to be seen, shamefully alone. Is this growth or just temporary good mood, residual hypo?
Maybe the whole age acceptance thing is working. I thought I would die the other day, looking at the reality of the loss.
I need to learn to have more fun, be free and open with people, without crossing the line to inappropriate, crazy, drunk. I'm like either totally in my box, or too far out of it. Binge and purge.
Wouldn't it be great to feel self-accepting, and open to people? To not have all this twisted stuff about feeling ugly and ashamed of needing anything from anyone?
I hope this is not just a moodswing. Usually holiday weekends are hell, just reminders of my loneliness. It's like I can enjoy the energy that's out there, even though I'm alone for now. Happy happy thoughts.
poster:~~tabitha~~
thread:29746
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020829/msgs/29746.html