Posted by ~~tabitha~~ on August 29, 2002, at 1:41:54
In reply to Re: I hate grief, but the alternative is worse » ~~tabitha~~, posted by Ted on August 28, 2002, at 15:03:16
As far as learning to grieve, I think it was 2 things, one was just having my therapist focus on getting me connected to my feelings. Not sure what she did exactly, but I remember her telling me that was a goal, and I know I changed.
The other, probably bigger, was that I had to stop doing the characteristic things that I did to avoid feeling. The main ones were drinking and having romantic chaos and obsession dominate my life. Once I stopped those things, with support from my therapist and 12 step groups, the feelings had nowhere to hide.
Now I recognize new types of avoidance loops because I feel driven and obsessed when I'm doing them. I've learned to just hold off and try to make a little effort to feel what's underneath the urges. The difficult thing is the early part, where grief feels huge and undefined. Often I don't even know what it's about. It's like letting a massive wave crash over you. It's difficult to let it happen at all, but eventually letting it happen allows it to pass.
poster:~~tabitha~~
thread:29424
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020820/msgs/29495.html