Posted by Dinah on August 5, 2002, at 8:19:43
In reply to Re: this is so tricky .............., posted by Ctrlaltndel : ) on August 5, 2002, at 0:08:50
Not so strange, Dreamer. You were a little girl, only 9, who was in a difficult situation and starved for love. To feel what you felt for your brother wasn't wrong or even strange or odd, especially given our tendency to confuse sexuality with other expressions of love. If you don't mind overly much, I won't state what I think of his behavior, because I know you hold warm feelings for him.
But maybe when you're feeling in a strong enough place, and are ready to handle the positives or negatives that might come from contacting him, you might contact him from that level, honestly. You remember him with fondness and affection. That's not such a bad thing to tell him. And if he acknowledges his behavior, he might (or might not) be harboring a lot of guilt over it. And you might be able to help him with that.
It is a tricky situation, because I don't know your brother, and I don't know why he did what he did or how he feels about it now. It does make a reunion a more precarious prospect.
But I do know that how you feel about your brother or what happened isn't bad or wrong. A child copes as best as she can in an impossible situation. And feelings are never wrong or bad.
I do wish I could air-mail my therapist to you. These things are the very core of therapy. Have you worked on them in therapy?
A thousand hugs to you, dearest dreamer.
Dinah
poster:Dinah
thread:28097
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020804/msgs/28134.html