Posted by Dinah1 on May 24, 2002, at 8:59:33
It is a post about loss and grief and choices.
Due to recent events in my life I have decided that it will be necessary to go back on Luvox. I decided to stop taking Luvox over a year ago because I realized that it was killing an important part of me. But because of a new stressful obligation I must take on, I am afraid that part may kill me if I don't begin taking Luvox again.
(I'm not looking for medication suggestions. Luvox is one medication that doesn't cause me unbearable agitation.)
I could choose not to take on the obligation, citing the fact that it will certainly be harmful to my mental health. But that would mean killing another part of me, the part that chooses to do the right thing.
And so I mourn the losses that will accompany taking Luvox. I'll miss orgasms. I really need those IQ points; feeling intelligent is perhaps too important to me, and on Luvox I felt stupid. I will be sorry to lose what little motivation and energy I have. I was so apathetic on Luvox.
I will miss my OCD. As annoying as it can be, it also helps me fulfill my obligations. And it means well. Goodbye, my friend, and I am sorry.
And I will miss the part of me that feels and loves and causes trouble too. I have chosen to live with the down side of having emotions, to increase my therapy appointments, to live with the discomfort. I have tried to nurture my emotional side, despite the costs, because ultimately I believe there is value in it. And I will be sad to lose my tenuous connection with that part of me.
This post may sound silly, but I am quite serious about it. Making one choice nearly always means mourning opportunities lost.
poster:Dinah1
thread:24490
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020523/msgs/24490.html