Posted by Penny on April 2, 2002, at 14:23:13
In reply to My wonderful family, posted by sid on April 2, 2002, at 9:26:27
Sid,
I can relate. I agree that telling your family to go to hell might be the best thing you ever do for yourself.
My grandfather committed suicide in November, shortly after his 75th birthday. Just prior to that, my evil cousin accused him of molesting her 5 year old daughter (his great-granddaughter). I'm not saying my cousin is evil b/c of that...she was evil beforehand. But all of a sudden all hell broke loose and she became estranged from the family. And my grandmother is in total denial about the whole thing. And my cousin isn't speaking to any of us anymore b/c most everyone in the family blames her for my grandfather's suicide. Anyway, to make a long story a little shorter, my family is pretty f***ed up too.
But since then I have finally (FINALLY!!!) learned to say no to them. We have family get-togethers for every holiday, and I might go at Christmas, but that's about it anymore. And then it's only briefly. And I've made a rule about spending time with my dad as well. My parents are still married to each other and my mom & I get along okay, but my dad and I absolutely can't for very long. So, to save myself from getting hurt & putting myself in a bad place again, I tell them I can't break my '24-hour' rule, meaning I can't spend more than 24 hours at a time with my dad. B/c when I do, he manages to say something to me that's demeaning or hurtful (at my grandfather's funeral he made two comments to me about how 'fat' I am).
And, I'll tell you, not visiting my family has made a big difference. Of course, it's been hard too, as I still want (somewhere in my subconscious) that 'perfect' family gathering, that I'm sure only exists on TV. And having to accept that that will never happen, at least not with MY family, is hard. But it's easier than dealing with them!!!
Anyway, I know you live with your mom, but is there somewhere else you can go when your sis & her hubby-from-hell show up? Friends that you could celebrate with (if it's on a holiday?) or something else you could do?
Hope things get better...
Penny
poster:Penny
thread:21310
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020325/msgs/21333.html