Posted by trouble on March 21, 2002, at 0:59:59
In reply to Re: things i disagree with VOL IV » trouble, posted by IsoM on March 20, 2002, at 19:30:08
> It's me trouble, I *need* to make eye contact. I CAN'T not look at a person in their eyes. I don't look for hidden meanings I simply connect there.
Connect w/ WHAT?
Dagdadgumdagnabbitt IsoM, we're talking about people who don't want to make eye contact. They're not going to connect w/ someone pressuring them to connect. That's the whole thing I'm railing against, this *need* to look into my eyes by someone who CAN'T NOT feels frightening to me, it is a rape mentality. I know about rape mentalities, the overpowering need someone has to invade me, feeling thoroughly justified b/c after all I crossed my legs when he walked by, didn't I?Now, I know that your need to look into my eyes comes from a pure and giving place, but that changes nothing. Innocence is charming in children, in adult women it can be a royal pain in the ass. You can't pretend away a gaping psychic wound. You didn't do anything to make me this way, it's not about you.
To connect means paying attention to the nuances, if the eye-contact makes the other uneasy, then more of it will make her more uneasy. Fear of eye-contact is a trust issue, given time and (this is my favorite word in the English language) restraint, I might come out of my shell a little more, and flash my big-sad-doe-eyes your way a second or two. You will have helped me to grow in that instant, drawing me out of the isolation.
We're all vulnerable IsoM, you may feel rejected by someone you want to know better who's pointedly avoiding eye contact, but if all other indications suggest that she likes your company, then it's not you, it's her. Meet me halfway sister, I'll give you the eyecontact you seek, but nothing is free, you have to earn it first. This is not your fault.Dang. We women want so much to get to intimacy that sometimes we go too fast, but rushing only means we never get there. Sometimes I wonder if women really want to get there.
trouble
poster:trouble
thread:20420
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020320/msgs/20486.html