Posted by ST on January 31, 2002, at 17:46:24
In reply to Re: Hell hath no wrath, posted by White Rabbit on January 29, 2002, at 21:04:53
Hi,
I was touched by your story. I wish your husband was more understanding; we all need people to listen to us. I went back and read some of your old posts. You speak honestly about how your husband makes you feel when he's not very supportive, his reactions toward you and how they affect you...nothing bad! But if he is not good at dealing with emotions, simply being discussed in this forum may be enough to have set him off. That time your dad cried and you came home to a very unsympathetic husband - OUCH! He may have felt vulnerable and angry after reading that. Especially the part where you say you want to run away to the swamplands or go be a hotel maid somewhere for awhile! It sounds like he's so bottled up, his anger is misplaced. He may be angry at himself for not being more supportive of you but the fact that you discuss that on this board makes him even more furious and then he just becomes this big ball of anger, unable to express why he's so upset. It would be great if the two of you could get some counseling together, just to learn how to communicate. Just some thoughts. Good luck with all this!
Sarah
>
> Thanks guys, I do feel the same way. I don't go through his wallet or phone numbers or pockets
> because I feel that trust is so important to a marriage. We've been together for 18 years and married for 13, and he's never done anything like that before. Maybe he just wanted to know what was so damn interesting. His main problem is that he has a great deal of trouble dealing with his deeper emotions and refuses to discuss them when I try to "draw him out". I do know him well enough to realize that he complains constantly when something is bothering him, but it doesn't have anything to do with what is really troubling him. He'll lose his mind if he can't find a tool on his workbench, and later on I'll learn that his boss chewed him out for something inconsequential.
> I haven't gone back over my posts to try and figure out what made him so furious. I know I've said things like, "He doesn't understand me" or maybe I complain about his friends, who encourage him to stay out late and drink. But I've NEVER said anything like, "The guy is a bastard and I wish he was dead" or "he can't get it up in bed" or anything seriously insulting, because I've never felt that way about him. When I asked him what I said that was so terrible, true to form, he refused to discuss it. But he was very, very angry, to the point of discussing seperation and a possible divorce. Maybe he just didn't know how screwed up I was, although I don't see how this is possible. When I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital, we were both present when a psychiatrist
> asked me to be truthful about my Ultram abuse. I told her honestly that it varied according to the kind of day I was having at work. She asked me how many I might take during a very stressful day and again, I told her the truth.
> "Maybe thirty," I said, and my husband visibly blanched. I already knew what a terrible, dangerous habit I had acquired...according to a phrase from "Angela's Ashes", I had gone "beyond the beyonds." But he never reacted like he did to my postings on PB.
> One interesting note: when my husband was so angry with me, I volunteered to go to marriage counseling with him. He scoffed at this, calling it nothing but "mud-slinging".
> When my bipolar symptoms returned with a vegeance, he suggested I return to a psychiatrist and I agreed. I made an appointment for Thursday,
> and he announced that he was going with me. Of course, my subconcious signalled, "Up periscope".
> Does he really want to understand more about my emotional problems or is he simply afraid that I'll talk about him? I hate to think of him as that petty and insecure. Incidentally, he's a very intelligent person and not usually emotionally weak - he's a firefighter. I hope that his interest in my problems - which he's never displayed much interest in before - is a sign that he realizes I need help and I can improve with his emotional support. He's forgiven me for my "transgressions" on PB, whatever they were.
> We hope for the best-
> Gracie
poster:ST
thread:17457
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020125/msgs/17628.html