Posted by Sourceror on January 30, 2002, at 21:17:06
It sucks lately I feel as if I am not really living but instead I feel like I am just existing. When will this vicious cycle end. It makes me feel like just giving up. If this is what life is gonna be like I sure don't wanna go on. Just seems like I am so alone lately. I have a social worker that is not worth a damn and a pdoc that is so backed up that she can't see me except in a crisis until May. I can't drive so I can't seem to get out and get away when I feel a need to. I have a limited cash flow from a part time job that I currently hate. So what the hell is there to keep me going.....it feels like I have nothing. I am loosing hope more and more lately and I don't like it. I need to change something but I know not how I can right now. I feel stuck. I want out. What will it take to get relief? What would it be like just to end everything? That unknown keeps me guessing and I am starting to get more curious if the "after life", as it is often refered to, might not be worth the risk. I just don't know. I feel so worthless now how can it get much worse? I just keep pushing on and seem to get no where. Well enough moaning for now...I will have to decide again tomorrow if it is worth another day of this hell on earth feeling.
L8R,
The Sourceror
poster:Sourceror
thread:17573
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020125/msgs/17573.html